Again in the Balls! Oops!

Gary, my friend and sometimes fuck buddy and I went for a late lunch at Nando's yesterday.  I had just come from an interview so I was dressed smartly and had my briefcase with me.  When Gaz and I go out, we usually go Dutch.  Seems weird having him pay for me and vice versa.  Yesterday, however, he insisted that he pay as a 'thank you' for letting him crash at my place for the fortnight.

It had been ages since I had been to Nando's so it felt like a special treat.  Gary, an American, had never been there but he said he had enjoyed it.

After lunch we got on the Tube.  We changed trains at Bank so we could catch the DLR.  As we were ascending a flight of stairs I tripped.  My briefcase sailed into the bannister then ricochet right into Gary's balls!

He screamed and doubled over in pain.

Everyone in the stairwell stopped and looked at us.  Several people came up to us and asked if he was OK.  An official that works for the underground started to call an ambulance.  Gary was mortified.

"I'm fine," he yelled through gritted teeth.  "She hit me in the balls with her briefcase!"

"Accidently!" I interjected, in case anyone thought it was an asasult.

Gary stood there in the middle of the crowded stairwell for 10 minutes.  He looked like he was in agonizing pain.  I couldn't apologize enough.

Eventually he mustered up enough strength to get on the DLR.  Even though he was sitting next to me he sent me a text.  It said,

"We are through having sex.  You have killed my last sperm."

I'm not sure if he was joking or not, but I have a feeling I'm not going to get any cock in a long while.

Again in the Balls! Oops!

Gary, my friend and sometimes fuck buddy and I went for a late lunch at Nando's yesterday.  I had just come from an interview so I was dressed smartly and had my briefcase with me.  When Gaz and I go out, we usually go Dutch.  Seems weird having him pay for me and vice versa.  Yesterday, however, he insisted that he pay as a 'thank you' for letting him crash at my place for the fortnight.

It had been ages since I had been to Nando's so it felt like a special treat.  Gary, an American, had never been there but he said he had enjoyed it.

After lunch we got on the Tube.  We changed trains at Bank so we could catch the DLR.  As we were ascending a flight of stairs I tripped.  My briefcase sailed into the bannister then ricochet right into Gary's balls!

He screamed and doubled over in pain.

Everyone in the stairwell stopped and looked at us.  Several people came up to us and asked if he was OK.  An official that works for the underground started to call an ambulance.  Gary was mortified.

"I'm fine," he yelled through gritted teeth.  "She hit me in the balls with her briefcase!"
"Accidently!" I interjected, in case anyone thought it was an asasult.

Gary stood there in the middle of the crowded stairwell for 10 minutes.  He looked like he was in agonizing pain.  I couldn't apologize enough.

Eventually he mustered up enough strength to get on the DLR.  Even though he was sitting next to me he sent me a text.  It said,

"We are through having sex.  You have killed my last sperm."

I'm not sure if he was joking or not, but I have a feeling I'm not going to get any cock in a long while.

Don't Waste My Time if You're Not on My Beg List

Seriously?  Do you think I would seriously take up this offer?  Would you take up this offer?

Subject: nice one
From: "XXXXX XXXXX" deleted@.co.uk
Date: Mon, February 15, 2010 11:36 am

Hmm Nice blog and very direct.. but I think it is the other way around.  Sure you
have pulled a lot but then again it is not very hard to pull guys.. yeah we are easy
pulls.  But having a a naughty blog is not good enough.. I know why you should fuck
me.  But I don't know why I should fuck you? 
Big kiss
X

No I am not a celeb and no I do not reveal the contents of my bank account either 

This e-mail really irked me. It's like this guy is trying to use reverse psychology to try to pull me. I don't want to fuck him. As I stated in my last blog entry I have no interest in fucking random guys that read my blog. I would rather fuck random guys that DON'T read my blog. The only exception is if you're a celeb, influential or über rich.

One thing that bothers me about that e-mail is that this dude has presumed that I'm missing out on something if I don't fuck him. He knows why I should fuck him.... Yeah.. OK, whatever. But he doesn't know why he should fuck me? Well, you know what, he shouldn't fuck me. I am not hard up enough for sex that I need to beg random strangers to fuck me.

There are only 3 guys on my beg list. That means out of all the men in the entire world, there are only three of them that I would beg to fuck me -- and Mr. 'Nice One' is definitely NOT on that list.

John Mayer

Being in a relationship does a lot of things. 1. I believe it keeps you healthy. Case and point. Merely weeks after my break-up I have come down with a horrible cold. I'm sick and I feel like shit. Worst of all there's no one here to nurse me better. I haven't had a cold in over a year so I suspect it's a direct result of my break up.

2. It makes you lazy. Very lazy. Instead of going out it's always easier to stay in. I used to be quite the party girl-- going to bars after work, hanging out on the weekend with the girls. I was frequently out and when I wasn't out I was blogging. That all changed when I was in my last relationship. Staying in was the new going out. My ex-boyfriend was my best friend, my confidante, my video game buddy, my oral sex buddy, my drinking budding, my dog walking buddy. He was my world. Why would I even need to leave the flat, when everything we wanted was right there. Being lazy never felt so easy.

Now that I'm not in a relationship, I still feel lazy. I know I need to go out and try to meet someone. I know I need to get back out there. I still feel a lazy.

Here's a secret: Essentially, I am a lazy person, but there are things in my life that I do to combat my laziness. For instance, go to the gym. Or having a dog that requires walking 3 times per day. Whereas it looks like I'm an active person by doing these things, I'm actually obligated to do them to combat perceived laziness.

Since I announced my break-up I've had about 10 offers for sex. Most of the offers have been from from quite good-looking men. One of the offers was from a woman. Most of the offers have come from guys that read this blog.

I haven't taken up any of these offers. Why? The biggest reason is because I'm lazy. I dunno. Maybe I'm not really THAT horny. When I'm über horny I go out of my way to find a guy to fuck. Maybe I just need to get out of this laziness funk. I dunno. I don't know if I want to get comfortable shagging someone new.

Last month John Mayer said in a Rolling Stone interview, “All I want to do now is fuck the girls I’ve already fucked, because I can’t fathom explaining myself to somebody who can’t believe I’d be interested in them,” he says. “I’m too freaked out to meet anybody else.”

Without taking on the egotistical rock-n-roll God complex, that's sort of, exactly how I feel right now.

Why Women Stop Having Sex

I found a really interesting article on why women stop having sex. Have a read and let me know what you think:

Why Women Stop Having Sex
By Bob & Susan Berkowitz


There is a stereotype that when two people in a heterosexual committed relationship are no longer having sex, the person who is most likely to have instigated the end of intimacy is the woman. She'd rather read a book, wash her hair, do the laundry -- pretty much do anything other than share physical intimacy with her loving spouse. She perhaps wasn't always this way; the relationship might have once been red hot. But now, bewilderingly, the passion has died.

Of the estimated 20 million married couples in America living in sexless marriages (sex less than ten times a year) most therapists believe that about half the time it is, in fact, the woman's choice. The other half of the time, it's not. We recently wrote a book about this counterintuitive truth: He's Just Not Up for It, Anymore. When Men Stop Having Sex, and What Women Are Doing About It, published by HarperCollins/William Morrow in January 2008.

When we were doing the research, we were surprised that many men took the time to write to us that they were, indeed, in sexless marriages, but it was their wives who rejected intimacy, not them. These men seemed as confused, hurt and rejected as their female counterparts. They asked us why this was happening, and what they could do to bring passion back to their marriage. So many men wrote to us that we decided to research the issue from the female perspective. There is a link to our new survey at the bottom of the page.

Please note that there is no one easy response to this question. A lack of desire usually stems from a variety of issues, and is generally considered to be the most common sexual problem in America today. The technical term is Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD); defined by the American Psychological Association as "a deficiency or absence of sexual fantasies and desire for sexual activity, producing marked personal or interpersonal distress, but not the result of alcoholism, a general medical condition or substance use (medication) or abuse (street drugs)."

So, if a person in a committed relationship has a low libido, but it isn't causing unhappiness to either or both, it isn't HSDD and it isn't a problem. This is an obvious, but important, point. If two people are happily married, but sex just isn't all that important to either of them anymore (or never was to begin with) they have no issue, because there is no "marked personal or interpersonal distress."

Unfortunately, this usually isn't the case. One person still desires intimacy, and the other doesn't. Why? What are the gender differences in this situation?

Here are some preliminary answers.

Some women are telling us they just don't know why. They are confused, and would like to wish their libido a safe and fast return home. Others are more specific, stating painful intercourse, anger and depression as primary reasons for their lack of libido. A few say they just had a baby, or that they want to be absolutely certain they don't get pregnant.

Here's an equation: Pain during intercourse is, to many women, what erectile dysfunction is to many men. They are embarrassed to talk about it with their partner, and choose instead to suffer in silence and just stop having sex. (After all, who would want to have sex if it hurts a lot?) And like ED, it has many causatives -- some physiological, others psychogenic; some relatively easy to cure with very low-dosage hormonal replacement therapy, others more difficult, but still very possible, to cure with therapy.

Depression is another major cause of low libido in women, and, ironically, so are many antidepressants. SSRIs (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) not only lower libido, they may also temporarily take away the ability to feel romantic love.

Many women are angry. They think their husbands should do more around the house, or more with the kids. They suspect their husband is having an affair, or maybe found out that he did have an affair many years ago, and can't get past the hurt. Some say their guy has gained a lot of weight, and, frankly, could dress a little bit spiffier when they're home alone. In other words, he doesn't turn them on anymore. Or, they claim they are tired of being ignored, and feel that watching a ballgame has become more important than conversation, or just about anything else. All of this resentment builds, until any desire to be close is gone. The beginning of the end starts when sex is withheld as punishment for everything perceived of as being wrong.

And some are just plain bored. They only want to have sex if it's worth having. Otherwise, as one woman told us, "He can keep it!"

We thoroughly researched why men stop having sex, and found out a lot of surprising things along the way. Now, as we begin to do the same for women, we're sure that there will be a lot of surprises from the female perspective too.

Sexual Healing - Affairs and Bad Advice

Has anyone read this article in the Guardian? "Sexual healing: My husband is having an affair with our neighbour because I don't want sex with him"

Problem: I have had little interest in sex for three years and my husband is so angry he has started having an affair with a neighbour (who used to be a close friend of mine). I don't suppose I can blame him. I have a horrible feeling this illness of mine is incurable – is it? Is there anything I can do?

Solution given by Pamela Stephenson Connolly:In a nutshell she says that her man is treating her badly. She predicts that once her man treats her better, her libido will return.

I take issue with this advice. First of all, it is unacceptable NOT to sleep with your husband for three years unless this is something you both want. This chick should be grateful that her husband is only sleeping with the girl next door and hasn't packed his bags to leave!

Secondly, sex is part of a relationship. If you are no longer interested in sex and your partner is you will have to come to a compromise. No sex for three years isn't a compromise- that's one person winning over the other. You should consider having sex with your husband at least once a month- that is still a pitiful amount, but better than no sex at all.

Third, if you've lost your sex drive there just might be a medical reason behind this. It's worth visiting your doctor / gyno to find out. Plus, your partner will be pleased to see you taking steps to fix the problem instead of doing nothing.

Fourth, it's worth finding out if you've lost your libido completely, or if it's that you're just not sexually attracted to your husband anymore.

Last but not least, this situation is YOUR FAULT. Not having sex with your husband for three years is holding his sexuality hostage. Can you blame him for shagging the neighbour?

Horny vs Tired

There's a certain time every month that I become unbelievably horny. I'm guessing this is around the time I'm ovulating, but I'm not totally sure.

In any case, this time is RIGHT NOW! Yesterday after arriving home I couldn't keep my hands off my boyfriend. As we were sitting on the sofa watching TV my hands kept wandering down to his cock.

"Oi, I'm not just a piece of meat, you know," he joked.

Once we were in bed I rolled over to him. My head was on his shoulder. My hand was on his cock. It wasn't the hard cock that I was expecting. It was flaccid and non-responsive.

I tried jerking him off a bit. He got a little hard, but not much.

"I'm just too tired tonight," he said.

I know I probably shouldn't, but I took this as a personal rejection. I rolled away from him and fell asleep.

No Sex and Painful Sex

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 2 years now. In the beginning of the relationship, things were amazing but now he just doesn’t want to have sex. When we do have sex, it’s not as good as it used to be. Any suggestions?
Melissa

The comedian Chris Rock profoundly said, “That’s all relationships are—they’re just fucking and eating. It ain’t that complicated. It’s just fucking and eating. And if you don’t like fucking somebody and you don’t like eating with them, y’all don’t need to be together.”

Read the rest of my advice on Popsyndicate

Wasted Erection

5:43 AM. As usual I woke up two minutes before my boyfriends alarm was due to sound off. I am not a morning person. If it were up to me I’d stay up until 2AM and sleep until 11. That, however, isn’t compatible with my boyfriend’s work schedule.

His alarm sounded off. He woke of for a moment. He hit snooze and drifted back to sleep. I wrapped my arm around him. Yes, I was hugging him, but I had an ulterior motive. I wanted sex.

My hand rested on his chest. Every few minutes I would inch it down further and further until a good fifteen minutes later when I reached his cock. It was rock hard despite my boyfriend drifting in and out of sleep..

I started rubbing my hand up and down his cock. It grew larger. I kept pumping my fist. My boyfriend woke up. He seemed stunned. Even though it was dark in our bedroom I could tell he was smiling.

The smile was short-lived however, his alarm sounded again.

“Fuck, I’m going to be late for work,” he groaned

And with that he jumped out of bed and headed towards the shower.

What a waste of an erection.

Cold

His side of the bed would be completely cold if it weren’t for the dog sneaking up in his place as soon as I was fast asleep. It had been three nights since my boyfriend and I slept in the same bed. The emptiness was palpable.

We’d been arguing over money and domestic stuff. It doesn’t help that I’m unemployed and have no income. In theory my time off work should give me lots of time to be a domestic goddess. The truth is that I hate cleaning. I hate chores. I grew up in a large suburban house with a cleaner and I never had do much household work.

We argued, cried and argued some more. He took to sleeping in the guest bedroom. We sat on opposite sides of the sofa. He had so much anger he could barely look at me. Our conversations were perfunctory.

“Did you walk the dog?”

“Yes, an hour ago.”

“She needs to go out again.”

“Then you take her.”

There was coldness in his eyes. There was a distant silence between us. This lingered for three days. Yesterday he finally relented, kissing me passionately before he left for work. He grasped my hand in and squeezed it slightly. A squeeze that said, “I’m not angry anymore. We're gonna be OK.”

I felt reassured as I watched him walk out the door.

Jim Gets Nasty

Subject: RE: query
From: xxxxxxx@hotmail.co.uk
Date: Mon, August 10, 2009 3:05 am
To: me@naivelondongirl.com

OI! YOU BETTER DELETE THOSE POSTS AS I TOLD YOU TO OR I'LL HAVE YOUR BLOG SHUT DOWN
YOU RACIST BITCH

"Jim" you really do not want to threaten me. You asked me for help and I offered my opinion. My guess as to why you don't have a girlfriend is that you're a nasty piece of work.

You are one bad day from starting a shooting spree in LA Fitness. "The motive in the LA Fitness shooting appears to be gender-based, with website postings under his name spouting his intense hatred toward women and aggravation at rejection." Sound familiar?

ALso I would like to ask you to reconsider having sex with me. You do not know what the sex will be like. If it is indeed a 'bad' unfulfilling experience then you can be more reassured that asian men are not right for you. But there is the chance that it will be fulfilling.

Be thankful that I concealed your name, e-mail address and picture.  I won't be so kind next time.  Your IP address has been noted, if you persist I will warn the authorities.

Now please fuck off.

Asian Men, White Women follow up with Jim

Dear NLG:

I will answer your questions a bit later.

At the moment I do not meet many women or people for that matter as I rarely go out. So the only ones I approach are the ones I see when I do go out.

But people are not in general willing to talk to strangers like me so nothing has ever come out of this and so I have to ask myself whether it's time to stop because I have to draw the line somewhere.

What I want to ask is whether you know any women who would actually be interested in me. You yourself have said you wouldnt fuck me so thats clearly a dead end. I'm not interested in prostitutes for example. That will not help me to develop
relationships and i dont like the whole idea. So it would have to be a situation where we both agree to fuck with no strings attached.

Finally, I cannot change the fact that I am an ''average looking korean guy''. So whether or not that appeals to women is their business and not mine. Similarly your face may not appeal to me so there has to be a mutual appeal.

-Jim

Hello again Jim,

It would really help if you answered the questions in my last post to you.

I'm not sure if I know of anyone that is interested in you? I really need to know more about you in order to help. My foremost question is: Are you looking for a girlfriend? Or are you just looking for someone to have sex with?

An obvious answer is, have you tried internet dating? Granted, it is a numbers game. And it IS more difficult for men to succeed at internet dating then women. In order for me to recommend a dating site for you, I need to know what sort of women you're attracted to.

I don't want to bring this down to race, but I'm curious, are you trying to date white women? Or are you trying to date other Korean women (I have made the assumption that you're Korean)?

I'm asking you this because most "ethnic minorities" (I hate that phrase, btw) have their own internal networks for dating. If I went to my mom and said, "I want to meet and date a handsome black man, do any of your friends have single sons?" I would immediately be plugged into a network of (hopefully) dateable black bourgeois professionals / BUPPIES.

Are you able to do the same? Maybe instead of asking your mom, you can ask your sister, brother or cousins if they can hook you into some sort of community match making scheme.

Now, if you're trying to date / have sex with white women. That is a whole different kettle of fish! Depending on where you live, it can be difficult; but not impossible.

Also, have a look at the video above.

I'd like to refer you to a few articles:
What do white women like best about Asian men?
Why do Asian women prefer white men?

Hope that's helped.

Cheers,
Anjelika

If anyone else has any other questions they'd like answered e-mail me: me@naivelondongirl.com

Agony Aunt: 25 and Can't Find Women

Dear NLG,

My issue is that I am a male and 25 however I am being sexually punished by not having sex. No woman wants me. I cannot find women. And all women who I try to talk to and approach put me down and reject me. I realise I am far from the only one with this problem but this only depresses me even more. can you help me please?

You may ask me for more information or any other questions about me.

-Jim

Dear Jim:

Thanks for your photograph.

I don't speak for all women, just myself so it's always wise to get a second opinion.

As I have previously stated The way I see things is that I generally put people in one of three categories:

Category 1: You're fuckable.
Category 2: You're not fuckable.
Category 3: I haven't met you.

At the risk of repeating myself, being fuckable more or less indicates that in the right circumstances I'd fuck you. For instance, lets say you're my buddy or even someone I've met recently. You're in a relationship. Your woman is out of town. We're both drunk. We're at dinner. There's lots of flirting. Yes, you'd be totally fuckable. I'd probably eat my dinner thinking, "I so want to fuck you." Most likely, however, I wouldn't follow up on it. There are a myriad of reasons for me not wanting to follow up. Those reasons range from fear of rejection to guilt about possibly ruining a relationship, etc.

So even if my loins were on fire AND we were both outrageously flirting with each other AND I was drunk, I wouldn't make a move or give you any indication that I'm interested unless... you make the first move. I know, that's quite bad of me. Well, I never claimed to be Miss Moral. Although I do like the idea of being Miss Oral ;-)

If you're in category 2, there is no such circumstance that could ever happen where I'd want to fuck you. Generally, people in this category include, 95% of my women friends, guy friends I've had for 10 years or more, all of my family, most of my gay male friends. In addition, this includes guys that I do not find sexually attractive.

Having looked at your photo you fall into category #2.  Don't worry, I know that the photo posted here isn't really you. The readers here need a visual picture, so I went through an archive of photos and picked a shot that vaguely resembles you. Apologies if I got it horribly wrong.  You look like an average-looking Korean guy. This doesn't do it for me personally, but I'm sure there are girls out there that would want you.

Without getting to know your personality, it's difficult to dissect what is going on.  There are so many different questions I have:

1. What sort of women do you want?  
   
2. What's your type?
   
3. Do you want just sex?
   
4. Are you looking for a relationship?
   
5. Are you a virgin?
   
6. Are you going on dates regularly?
   
7. How far do you get with women before they turn you down for sex?
   
8. Are you shy?
   
9. Are you a confident guy?
   
10. Are you happy with your looks or are you looking to improve?
    
11. Do you own property?
    
12. Are you rich?
    
13. Do you still live with your parents?
    
14. What sort of job do you have?
15. Do you have a car?

I don't know the answers to all of these questions but to give you a thorough answer I would really need to know this.

To add to my previous theory.  If you're a guy in category 1, fuckable, then mentally, I put you into 3 subcategories:

Subcategory 1: Marriage Material

Subcategory 2: Date / meal ticket / fuckbuddy

Subcategory 3: Friend

There is never any ambiguity here.  If I fuck you right away (first, second or third date) then you're automatically relegated to subcategory 2. Date / meal ticket / fuckbuddy.  My current boyfriend and I waited 4-5 weeks before we did the deed. Amazing, eh.

My point to all of this is: Maybe all the women you are dating either consider you unfuckabl. OR maybe they only see you as a friend. OR maybe they see you as marriage material and are holding out; that might be a stretch though.

If you are not getting women it is probably because your are not an attractive prospect!  

The top things I look for in a guy are:

1. Confidence - Is he at least confident enough to ask me out? I don't have time for shy guys.  If you can't ask me out then I'm not interested.  I'm not a mind reader.

2. Solvency - Amil said it best in that Jay-Z song, Can I Get a Fuck You:

You ain't gotta be rich but FUCK THAT
How we gonna get around your BUS PASS

Fo' I put this pussy on your mustache

Yes, like any woman I would love a rich guy, who wouldn't? Being rich isn't a prerequisite for dating me. I'm a realist.  I know that the really rich guys are gonna go for the chicks who are hotter than me.  I want to be with a guy who is at minimum solvent.  Owning property is a plus- not a requirement.  I want to be with someone who will splurge and take me out occasionally. Remember my boyfriend Pete- the one who disappeared on me.  He was so skint and cheap that he only spent £15 a week on food.  He would never buy me a drink at a bar because I earned more money than him.  Don't follow that example.

3. Looks - You have to be attractive.  If you're not physically attractive then you have to be either insanely rich or a celebrity.  Somehow, in the game of love good looks is not required for celebs and rich people. They live by a different set of rules.  I don't understand it, it just works that way.

4. Virility- There is something amazingly exciting about a guy so virile that I can smell the sweat and cum dripping from him.  

Do you have the confidence, solvency looks and virility? It's hard to figure out without having met you.  I fear that I may be getting out of my depth answering your question so I'm gonna point you in the direction of Doc Lov He's got a something called, "The System" which is supposed to be fantastic at picking up women.

How about you try it out and let us know how it works for you?

Good Luck,

Anjelika

If anyone else has any other questions they'd like answered e-mail me: me@naivelondongirl.com