Oversexed and Still Cheating

Oversexed and Still Cheating

Regarding my previous blog entry, Are You Lustful Tonight? an anonymous reader has asked a very good question

Whats the reason when a guy is still getting sex every day (very good sex for that matter) - yet he still seeks to cheat?


1. Variety is the spice of life. Chocolate-chip cookie dough is my favorite ice cream, but if I had it EVERY DAY I'd grow a bit tired of it. Sure, it would still taste good, but I'd want to try out some other flavours. Some men feel this same way.

2. The sex isn't really that "good." Maybe the wife is happily having sex with her husband on a daily basis, but really it's not that good. Perhaps the wife thinks she's fulfilled her part as the dutiful wife with the daily blow job. This sounds like quantity is more important that quality. If the husband is cheating in this case, he's looking for a quality experience.

3. He has an overinflated ego and/or arrested emotional development and feels that he deserves the BBD. The BBD is the "Bigger Better Deal." His wife may be gorgeous, but he feels he can find something better. Whether or not he can actually do better is debatable; it's more about having the perception that what he has isn't good enough. Hell, even Christy Brinkley's husband cheated on her.

4. Temptation, lack of forethought, and know that he won't get caught. If a Brinks Armoured Truck accidently dropped 10K out of the back would you take the money or would you resist? If you knew the likelihood that you would get caught was minimal would you take the money? If you knew that the money would make you feel better instantly and you wouldn't get caught, would you take the money?

Yeah, I probably would. You probably would too. Sometimes there are very good men who slip up and cheat. I'm not excusing this, but it is a reality. Sometimes good people do morally dubious things. Men who slip up aren't horrible people; they just don't have the forethought to see how easily this situation could go wrong.

5. He's a sex addict. Some men are like that. These guys should probably never get married.

But, that’s just my opinion.

Are You Lustful Tonight?

Are You Lustful Tonight?

The past couple of weeks I’ve been thinking about infidelity; why men cheat it and what causes it.

Men cheat because of a combination of sexual boredom, lack of attention from their wives, needing their egos stroked, poor communication and an unwillingness to confront issues head-on.

Unless the guy’s a complete sociopath, which in the London dating scene is definite possibility, cheating never happens for just one reason alone.

For instance, a typical cheater is the guy who hasn’t had sex with his wife in a year, but because of poor communication and an inability to confront his wife with the issue, he sleeps with someone else. Although his infidelity provides temporary sexual relief, the underlying issue of why he and his wife aren’t having sex still remains. Until that issue is confronted, it will almost certainly be preferable for the man to continue cheating.

Another example of a cheater is the guy who has sex with his wife a couple times a month. Even though the sex is regular, he needs to feel sexy and wanted by the opposite sex. Maybe his wife is too busy with work and kids to take care of his emotional needs. Or maybe the wife is turned off by his neediness. Whatever the case, this is a guy that needs his ego stroked. He’ll probably spend a lot of time flirting with other women before he actually goes through with the infidelity.

In my previous post, Contemplating Adultery, I wondered why a woman would stop having sex with her husband. After much thought I realized that the answer is so easy! It’s also sexual boredom.

Women get bored with just sex. I get bored with just sex. Am I feeling lustful tonight? That depends. I need the wooing; the romance; the gifts; the expensive meals. I need to feel like I’m being chased. I need to feel appreciated and not like I’m being taken for granted; or that I owe the guy sex – or worse that I just want to get it “over with.” I need to feel special and wanted in order for me to give my best in bed.

During the course of a marriage men stop trying to impress their wives. To a certain extent this is natural and makes sense. If a man is already married in theory he doesn’t have to work to hard to woo woman in order to win her over. She, by definition, is already his. Still that goes against the basic human need of wanting to feel desired.

When a man stops trying to impress a woman, a woman stops feeling desired. When a woman stops feeling desired, she stops feeling sexy. When she stops feeling sexy, she stops having sex. When she stops having sex, the husband gets restless. When the husband get restless, he (wrongfully) looks into cheating.

It seems like such a vicious cycle and makes me wonder if marriage is even worth it?

Contemplating Adultery

Contemplating Adultery

As a women who has slept with many a married man I am fascinated by the question, “Why do men cheat?” I’m even more perplexed that I haven’t been able to find a satisfactory answer.

As far as my own fidelity goes, I’ve never cheated on anyone. And, as far as I know, no one has ever cheated on me. Let’s hope that karma’s not a bitch!

Out of the 6 or so married men I’ve been intimate with there seems to be a common theme when I ask them why they’re cheating. The unanimous answer is, “My wife doesn’t understand me [like you do]” and “I haven’t had sex with her in [X number of] months.”

Men are quick to put the blame of their lack of attention and lingering horniness on the wife. Or course, this is convenient to do that as I’m never in the position to question the wife. But perhaps that’s where I should be looking? I know that it takes two to tango, but what happens in a relationship when a man decides to cheat? Is it always the case that wife has stopped having sex with him?

Sex is great. Orgasming is great. Sex makes you feel fulfill, sexy and adventurous. If you stop having sex with your husband, you’re denying yourself the pleasure as well. Why would a woman stop having sex with her husband? A couple theories have been suggested to me:

1. That when women are single, they pretend to have high sex drives in order to reel in the guy and get married. Once they’re married and things settle down, the woman goes back to her real sex drive which presumably is lower. The husband feels cheated. Sort of like the same feeling you get when you see a movie preview that you think looks great; then when you see you movie, you realize they put all the best bits in the trailer. The husband grows resentful of this and ultimately cheats

2. Once women have children, they make their children their number one focus and the husband has to take the back seat.
The husband grows resentful of this and ultimately cheats.

So as single women, if we know up front (i.e. before the wedding) that our potential husbands need sex regularly to stay happy how is this forgotten once we’re married? Is there something that happens to women once they’re married that makes them want to have sex with their husbands less?

One married guy that I slept with said that it had been 8 months since he last had sex with his wife. The obvious question I had for him was, “Well, have you discussed that with her? Have you said, hey honey it’s been ages since we’ve made love. Can we be more regular about it?”

Two things emerged after I put that to him: 1. He’s uncomfortable about talking to his wife about sex. He’s afraid to have the awkward conversation with her. Huh? How can you have a fulfilling sex life if you’re afraid to talk about sex with your spouse? Also, with all the lying and betrayal that’s involved with cheating are you telling me it’s harder to have an “awkward conversation” with your wife? I think men see cheating as an easy alternative. But really, it shouldn’t be an alternative. If a man is not having sex with his wife he needs to have a conversation with her.

And if he does have a conversation with her but it turns out that she’s no longer interested in him sexually, what should he do? What if everything in the relationship is great, except the sex, what should a guy do? I would advise that the guy needs to come to an understanding with his wife that he has to have sex on a regular basis. I would see if the wife were open to the idea of you taking on a lover.

Afterall, it’s rather unfair of her to say, “No, I’m not going to have sex with you, but I don’t want anyone else to have sex with you either.” That’s a bit selfish.

The second thing to emerge from my chat with the married man was that he wanted his wife to find him sexually attractive. He didn’t want to have to “talk my wife into wanting to have sex with me. I want her to want me. “

He didn’t want to have to coax his wife into having sex with him. I suppose, as a man that can be quite demoralizing.

Online Dating

Anjelika and Wanda Discuss

- Online Dating
- Anjelika's Wedding Date
- Flirting
- Anjelika's three dates
- Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others

Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others

Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others

About 8 years ago I bought this book called, Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others by John T Malloy

At the time I bought it I wasn’t interested in getting married. I bought it because I figured one day I’d want to get married so it’s best to have this knowledge about being a marriageable woman. Every two years I re-read this book. And now that I’m focusing on finding a husband I thought it was the right time dust this book of the bookshelf.

“Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others” uses empirical data to draw its conclusions; meaning instead of coming up with a few hair-brained theories, the book is based off a number of qualitative studies conducted in a controlled environment by the author. The author and his research team interviewed over 3,000 couples coming out of marriage license bureaus in the United States. The results of the study reflect the statistical tendencies of marriage. Although many of the lessons are plain common sense the author has statistical backup for his assertions.

So why do men marry some women and not others? Here’s a brief outline of the book.

The Six Basic Guidelines For Women To Get Married

1. Insist on it.


2. If you find yourself in a dead-end relationship, move on.


3. Love yourself first.


4. Commit yourself to the idea of getting married


5. Keep in shape, watch your weight, and take care of your appearance


6. Time is running out—use time wisely in your search for the marrying man

To maximize your chances of marrying, only date the marrying kind:

1. Most men will not consider marriage before they reach the age of commitment


• For 80% of high school graduates, 23


• For 80% of college graduates, 26


• For college men, the high-commitment period is 28-33


• For men who go to graduate school, 30-36


• After the age of 37-38, the chances that he’ll commit drops dramatically. After 43, it drops even more


• A 40+ man who has been married before is more likely to remarry than an equivalent bachelor is to marry


2. Most men will not contemplate marriage until they have been working and living as independent adults for several years (hence the high-commitment periods)


3. Men become likely to marry after they become uncomfortable with the singles scene a. E.g. They realize that they’ve become the sleazy old guys who hang out at the bars and hit on younger girls


4. Men do have a biological clock, based on their desire to be an active father (especially to their sons)


5. Misc. negative traits and warning signs


1. Men who see marriage as a financial arrangement in which women have the most to gain


2. Men whose parents divorced when they were young


3. Men who live with their parents
4. 
   Other key facts
   
6. Men often marry women whose religion, politics, values, and socioeconomic status match theirs


7. Men whose friends and siblings are married are more likely to marry


• 60% of the newly married men reported that they had a friend who had married within the last year.


• Those men who didn’t have any married male friends were 2-3 times as likely to say that they weren’t ready to marry.


• The majority of men who had seen their friends get married said that if they met the right woman, they’d think seriously about getting married.



8. Avoid stringers, men who string along women but never commit. To filter them out, insist that he commit after six months. Then stick to it, no matter what excuses he gives.



9. Consider unpolished jewels, men who are just as nice, intelligent, hard-working, and successful, but lack looks, height, or social skills.



10. 88% of men over 50 who were marrying for the first time were marrying divorced women. The women told the researchers that they had already tried the tall, suave, type, and he didn’t make a very good husband.

There’s much more to the book, but I encourage you to buy it and read it for yourself. Here’s a link to it on Amazon. http://www.amazon.com/Why-Marry-Some-Women-Others/dp/0446531138

Good News, Bad News...

The good news: I’m getting married! November 7, 2009
The bad news: I have no idea who the groom is!

Since my neat death experience I’ve been re-evaluating a few things in my life. I’ve come to a few decisions:

• I’m tired of just sleeping around. So I’m gonna stop doing it, with a very few exceptions. (Mr. MusicBiz being one of them)



• I don’t want to sleep with a lot of guys. I want to sleep with 1 guy for a sustained period of time.



• I’m now looking for a long-term relationship that will hopefully ultimately lead to marriage.

My goal is to be married by November 7, 2009. Why that date? It’s sort of random, but I figure I’ll need a year to get engaged and another 6 months to plan out he wedding. Who knows, maybe none of this will work out ot plan. The important thing is, I finally have a plan.

So from now on this blog will be about my great husband hunt.

Pearl Necklaces and Happy New Year

Anjelika and Wanda Discuss

- Hello 2008
- Mr. Charming
- Short Courses
- New Year's Resolutions
- Marriage
- Pearls
- YouPorn
- Masturbation

"I've been masturbating to YouPorn."

http://www.NaiveLondonGirl.com