Covenant Marriage and the Penis Wedding

Last night I had a dream that I was getting married.  For whatever reason I was in Louisiana  with my family for the wedding. This is strange since I have no family or friends down there.  The only thing I can think of is that I know that Louisiana has covenant marriages.

What is a covenant Marriage?  According to About.com "The bottom line of most covenant marriage laws is that a couple can not get a divorce easily. This means that when a couple gets their marriage license they must choose how they would end their marriage."

According to Wikipedia, "In some parts of the United States, a covenant marriage is a legally distinct kind of marriage, in which the marrying couple agree to obtain pre-marital counseling and accept more limited grounds for divorce. The covenant marriage laws emphasize the belief that marriage is more than just a mere contract between two individuals, contending that without marriage, there would be no foundation of family in society and, in turn, no civilization or progress to follow. The movement sets out to promote and strengthen marriages, reduce the rate of divorce, lessen the number of children born out of wedlock, discourage cohabitation, and frame marriage as an honorable and desirable institution."

In my dream a covenant marriage wasn't referred to, but I can't think of any other reason why I would get married in Louisiana. I was marrying my ex-boyfriend. He looked absolutely gorgeous in his tux.

I walked up the alter. We said our wedding vows and soon we were married. As we were leaving the church I looked down and noticed that I had a penis growing above my left breast. I tried to tuck it into my dress but it kept popping out. I became really upset because the wedding photographer started taking pictures of it.

I woke up shortly after that. What do you think that means?

Getting Married

The good news is that I got back together with my ex and now we're engaged!

The bad news is that I'm going to close down the blog once we get married. I mean, I can't be a 'naive' married girl right?

An Engagement

I spent 2 hours Sunday morning looking at Engagement Rings.

It all started at 4 AM.  Gary, my friend / fuck buddy / lodger got a phone call on his cell.  He was sleeping in the guest bedroom.  I couldn't hear everything he was saying, but I know that he was speaking Spanish.  There was something about a hospital and emergency and someone was ill.  The call lasted 15 minutes.  Eventually he hung up.  He exited the guest room, went into the bathroom, took a piss and went back to bed- without washing his hands-- EW!

I went back to bed and was awakened several hours later by the smell of eggs and bacon; both which I detest.  I got out of bed and put on my fuzzy pink bath robe.   Doggums jumped off the bed and followed me into the kitchen.

Gary was fixing himself breakfast.  Part of me was thinking, "I really hate the smell of eggs and bacon."  The other part of me was thinking, "I really hoped he washed his hands before he touched all my pans."

"Yo!" Gary greeted me.  He seemed unusually chipper for 8:30 AM.  "Where's your coffee maker?"

"I don't drink coffee," I said feeling really groggy.   I've known him for over 10 years and he doesn't remember that I don't drink coffee?

"Ah, I forgot,"  He leaned down and gave Doggums a strip of bacon.

"Don't feed her that.  She'll go off her kibble now."

"I forgot you were grouchy in the mornings."

"That phone call woke me up.  Who's calling  you at that hour? "

"It was a call from New York."

"Don't they know you're over here?"

"Yeah, but it was Maria and it was an emergency.  Maria's sister Jessica is dating this cop.  NYPD.  He's a nut case this guy.  Roughed her up a bit.  So Jess had a sprained wrist and Maria had to take her to the hospital.  Jess doesn't know if she wants to press charges. And Maria called me all upset.  She doesn't know what to do.  I dunno, it's all a mess.  Her family is pretty crazy."

I looked at Gary strangely.  "Who is Maria?"

He looked back at me strangely, "My girlfriend."

OK, in the month that Gary has been here, he's never once mentioned that he had a girlfriend. Fake fucking singleton!!!  That seems so strange to me.  In the 10+ years that we've known each other yes, we've fucked when he's had a girlfriend- but I always knew that upfront.  It was never an afterthought.  It just seems really shady and unlike him not to mention it.

The thing is, even if he did mention that he had a girlfriend, it wouldn't have made much of a difference to me. Yes, I know it's bad to sleep with another girl's man.  It's just that I've known Gary long enough; and we've been fucking each other long enough that it's just not a big deal.

"You never mentioned you had a girlfriend."

He shrugged, "I didn't know how to bring it up?"

"It's not a big deal.  It wasn't a big deal when you were with Cathy, Christine, Miriam, Jennifer or that other girl, the one with the big nose-"

"Dee."

"Yeah her.

"Things are different with Maria.  She's the one."

"The one what?"

He paused for an uncomfortably long time.

"The one that I'm going to marry."

I wish I could tell you that I was woman enough to be happy for him.  But I'm not.  A sense of jealousy and betrayal came over me.  I felt enraged.  How can he marry Maria when he fucked me up the ass last week?  Seriously, it's shit like that that makes me lose faith in men.

Because I'm a glutton for punishment, I agreed to help him look for engagement rings online.  While we were looking at the rings, I got the backstory on Maria.

She's 24 and a dental hygienist from the Bronx.  She's from a strict Catholic family.  And here's the kicker.  She's a virgin!  I rolled my eyes when he said that.

"No, really she is!  I can't finger her.  My pinky can't even fit in there," he claimed.

A lot of questions came to mind:

• Is he marrying her just so he can sleep with her?
• If I had stayed a virgin would I be married by now?
• Do men honestly look for virginity in a potential wife?
• Is the fact that I'm SO NOT a virgin a turn-off to men?
• Should I have saved my anal virginiy for my potential husband?

So I spent 2 hours finding the perfect ring for Maria.  The experience was torturous.  I had imagined doing something like that with my ex.  I became filled with feelings of sadness and hopelessness at the prospect of possibly never getting married.

So I did something that I said I would never do:  I called my ex.

More later

Divorcee or Old Maid?

Here's a question I've been pondering all day? Is it better to be 32 and never married or 32 and divorced?

When I was in a relationship with my ex-boyfriend I told him about all my friends, as you do. Since we were taking a trip to Switzerland I told him about my dear friend Zoe who's husband lives there. I explained to my ex-boyfriend how Zoe and her husband lived in different countries but they still made their marriage work. His blunt reply, "They're getting divorced."

"They are so not!" I protested. "Besides, you don't even know Zoe."

"I don't need to know her to figure out a marriage in two different locations isn't going to work."

"Whatever," I said rolling my eyes. 'What does he know?' I thought. I've known Zoe for 15 years he's never met her. He thinks he knows better?

Fast forward to today. I got the sad news today that Zoe is in the midst of a divorce. Please read her blog here, Divorce From Day One. Please lend your support and leave comments. Tell her that Anjelika sent you.

Zoe is smart - not in the way that you'd describe your single gal friends as smart. She's beyond that. She's highly intelligent. She's gorgeous. She could have been a model but she uses her brains for a living. She's funny and self-deprecating. She really is the whole package.

I feel really scared that if someone as together as Zoe can end up divorced, what hope do the rest of us singletons have?

Along with getting divorced, she's also unemployed. It appears as if we have a lot in common at the moment. We are both looking for work. We are both getting over relationships.

Then in the perverse way that you wonder things, I wondered which is worse to be 32 and never married or 32 and divorced?

What do you think?

I'm Supposed to get Married Tomorrow

Yep, I was supposed to get married tomorrow. Remember this blog entry?

Good News, Bad News
February 18, 2008

The good news: I’m getting married! November 7, 2009

The bad news: I have no idea who the groom is!

My goal is to be married by November 7, 2009. Why that date? It’s sort of random, but I figure I’ll need a year to get engaged and another 6 months to plan out he wedding. Who knows, maybe none of this will work out to plan. The important thing is, I finally have a plan.

OK, so tomorrow is November 7. No, I'm not getting married. I haven't even told my boyfriend about this 'plan.'  I don't feel discouraged. I rather feel encouraged. Since I wrote that original blog entry my life has changed a lot.  No longer am I fucking married guys.  No longer am I dating losers from Dating Direct and Match.com.   I'm in a stable relationship and things are going well.  So even though I'm not married, I'm happy.

Related blog post:
Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others

Why Am I Still Single?

"Why are you still on the market?" my new interest, RTC asked during a 6-hour marathon telephone conversation. He continued, "The only reason I'm not married is because I ended my last engagement. Otherwise I wouldn't be single. But you... I just don't understand how someone as wonderful as you isn't married yet?"

'Welcome to my world,' I thought. I paused before answering "I don't know."

I hate those sort of questions. I hate them because there's no one answer that seems to make sense. Or at least there's no answer that seems to make sense to other people. I hate them because I don't want to admit 'the truth' to someone that I just recently met and really, really like.

The truth is, I'm single because I'm a bit quirky. (Quirkyalone, maybe?) I'm single because I'm classist. I'm single because I've never dated anyone whose complexion was darker than mine. I'm single because I can be intimidating. I'm single because I make bad choices with men. I'm single because who wants to marry the girl with the sexblog?

When I googled, "Why am I still single?" I found a link to a quiz on the Ladies Home Journal site. Intrigued, I clicked through to the Why Are You Still Single Quiz.

According to the Ladies Home Journal, I'm single because I'm " Wounded and Withdrawn"

Ideally, you'd like a relationship with a sexy and considerate man. Unfortunately, you're not willing to take the risk. Perhaps you've been hurt in the past and have a basic mistrust of men. Perhaps you've been on your own for so long that the idea of having to open yourself up to another person is terrifying.

Hmmm, I'll have to think about that one. I think I could raise an argument for and against that statement.

Another take on why am I still single, quite possibly is that I fall in line with the statistics. According to Oprah (see video below) 70% of African-American women are single.



Who knows what the answer really is? If anything it's a combination of all the aforementioned. I know that I really like RTC. I have that sort of hopeful optimism you get in the beginning of a relationship. *Swoon* Is it too early to say that I think I've found, "The One." (If you believe in that concept.) Will I have egg on my face if I proclaim, 'the search is over?' 

In season 6 of Sex and the City Carrie penned in her column, "When will waiting for the one be done?" I'm hoping the answer will be 'now.'

Oversexed and Still Cheating

Oversexed and Still Cheating

Regarding my previous blog entry, Are You Lustful Tonight? an anonymous reader has asked a very good question

Whats the reason when a guy is still getting sex every day (very good sex for that matter) - yet he still seeks to cheat?


1. Variety is the spice of life. Chocolate-chip cookie dough is my favorite ice cream, but if I had it EVERY DAY I'd grow a bit tired of it. Sure, it would still taste good, but I'd want to try out some other flavours. Some men feel this same way.

2. The sex isn't really that "good." Maybe the wife is happily having sex with her husband on a daily basis, but really it's not that good. Perhaps the wife thinks she's fulfilled her part as the dutiful wife with the daily blow job. This sounds like quantity is more important that quality. If the husband is cheating in this case, he's looking for a quality experience.

3. He has an overinflated ego and/or arrested emotional development and feels that he deserves the BBD. The BBD is the "Bigger Better Deal." His wife may be gorgeous, but he feels he can find something better. Whether or not he can actually do better is debatable; it's more about having the perception that what he has isn't good enough. Hell, even Christy Brinkley's husband cheated on her.

4. Temptation, lack of forethought, and know that he won't get caught. If a Brinks Armoured Truck accidently dropped 10K out of the back would you take the money or would you resist? If you knew the likelihood that you would get caught was minimal would you take the money? If you knew that the money would make you feel better instantly and you wouldn't get caught, would you take the money?

Yeah, I probably would. You probably would too. Sometimes there are very good men who slip up and cheat. I'm not excusing this, but it is a reality. Sometimes good people do morally dubious things. Men who slip up aren't horrible people; they just don't have the forethought to see how easily this situation could go wrong.

5. He's a sex addict. Some men are like that. These guys should probably never get married.

But, that’s just my opinion.

Are You Lustful Tonight?

Are You Lustful Tonight?

The past couple of weeks I’ve been thinking about infidelity; why men cheat it and what causes it.

Men cheat because of a combination of sexual boredom, lack of attention from their wives, needing their egos stroked, poor communication and an unwillingness to confront issues head-on.

Unless the guy’s a complete sociopath, which in the London dating scene is definite possibility, cheating never happens for just one reason alone.

For instance, a typical cheater is the guy who hasn’t had sex with his wife in a year, but because of poor communication and an inability to confront his wife with the issue, he sleeps with someone else. Although his infidelity provides temporary sexual relief, the underlying issue of why he and his wife aren’t having sex still remains. Until that issue is confronted, it will almost certainly be preferable for the man to continue cheating.

Another example of a cheater is the guy who has sex with his wife a couple times a month. Even though the sex is regular, he needs to feel sexy and wanted by the opposite sex. Maybe his wife is too busy with work and kids to take care of his emotional needs. Or maybe the wife is turned off by his neediness. Whatever the case, this is a guy that needs his ego stroked. He’ll probably spend a lot of time flirting with other women before he actually goes through with the infidelity.

In my previous post, Contemplating Adultery, I wondered why a woman would stop having sex with her husband. After much thought I realized that the answer is so easy! It’s also sexual boredom.

Women get bored with just sex. I get bored with just sex. Am I feeling lustful tonight? That depends. I need the wooing; the romance; the gifts; the expensive meals. I need to feel like I’m being chased. I need to feel appreciated and not like I’m being taken for granted; or that I owe the guy sex – or worse that I just want to get it “over with.” I need to feel special and wanted in order for me to give my best in bed.

During the course of a marriage men stop trying to impress their wives. To a certain extent this is natural and makes sense. If a man is already married in theory he doesn’t have to work to hard to woo woman in order to win her over. She, by definition, is already his. Still that goes against the basic human need of wanting to feel desired.

When a man stops trying to impress a woman, a woman stops feeling desired. When a woman stops feeling desired, she stops feeling sexy. When she stops feeling sexy, she stops having sex. When she stops having sex, the husband gets restless. When the husband get restless, he (wrongfully) looks into cheating.

It seems like such a vicious cycle and makes me wonder if marriage is even worth it?

Contemplating Adultery

Contemplating Adultery

As a women who has slept with many a married man I am fascinated by the question, “Why do men cheat?” I’m even more perplexed that I haven’t been able to find a satisfactory answer.

As far as my own fidelity goes, I’ve never cheated on anyone. And, as far as I know, no one has ever cheated on me. Let’s hope that karma’s not a bitch!

Out of the 6 or so married men I’ve been intimate with there seems to be a common theme when I ask them why they’re cheating. The unanimous answer is, “My wife doesn’t understand me [like you do]” and “I haven’t had sex with her in [X number of] months.”

Men are quick to put the blame of their lack of attention and lingering horniness on the wife. Or course, this is convenient to do that as I’m never in the position to question the wife. But perhaps that’s where I should be looking? I know that it takes two to tango, but what happens in a relationship when a man decides to cheat? Is it always the case that wife has stopped having sex with him?

Sex is great. Orgasming is great. Sex makes you feel fulfill, sexy and adventurous. If you stop having sex with your husband, you’re denying yourself the pleasure as well. Why would a woman stop having sex with her husband? A couple theories have been suggested to me:

1. That when women are single, they pretend to have high sex drives in order to reel in the guy and get married. Once they’re married and things settle down, the woman goes back to her real sex drive which presumably is lower. The husband feels cheated. Sort of like the same feeling you get when you see a movie preview that you think looks great; then when you see you movie, you realize they put all the best bits in the trailer. The husband grows resentful of this and ultimately cheats

2. Once women have children, they make their children their number one focus and the husband has to take the back seat.
The husband grows resentful of this and ultimately cheats.

So as single women, if we know up front (i.e. before the wedding) that our potential husbands need sex regularly to stay happy how is this forgotten once we’re married? Is there something that happens to women once they’re married that makes them want to have sex with their husbands less?

One married guy that I slept with said that it had been 8 months since he last had sex with his wife. The obvious question I had for him was, “Well, have you discussed that with her? Have you said, hey honey it’s been ages since we’ve made love. Can we be more regular about it?”

Two things emerged after I put that to him: 1. He’s uncomfortable about talking to his wife about sex. He’s afraid to have the awkward conversation with her. Huh? How can you have a fulfilling sex life if you’re afraid to talk about sex with your spouse? Also, with all the lying and betrayal that’s involved with cheating are you telling me it’s harder to have an “awkward conversation” with your wife? I think men see cheating as an easy alternative. But really, it shouldn’t be an alternative. If a man is not having sex with his wife he needs to have a conversation with her.

And if he does have a conversation with her but it turns out that she’s no longer interested in him sexually, what should he do? What if everything in the relationship is great, except the sex, what should a guy do? I would advise that the guy needs to come to an understanding with his wife that he has to have sex on a regular basis. I would see if the wife were open to the idea of you taking on a lover.

Afterall, it’s rather unfair of her to say, “No, I’m not going to have sex with you, but I don’t want anyone else to have sex with you either.” That’s a bit selfish.

The second thing to emerge from my chat with the married man was that he wanted his wife to find him sexually attractive. He didn’t want to have to “talk my wife into wanting to have sex with me. I want her to want me. “

He didn’t want to have to coax his wife into having sex with him. I suppose, as a man that can be quite demoralizing.

Online Dating

Anjelika and Wanda Discuss

- Online Dating
- Anjelika's Wedding Date
- Flirting
- Anjelika's three dates
- Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others

Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others

Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others

About 8 years ago I bought this book called, Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others by John T Malloy

At the time I bought it I wasn’t interested in getting married. I bought it because I figured one day I’d want to get married so it’s best to have this knowledge about being a marriageable woman. Every two years I re-read this book. And now that I’m focusing on finding a husband I thought it was the right time dust this book of the bookshelf.

“Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others” uses empirical data to draw its conclusions; meaning instead of coming up with a few hair-brained theories, the book is based off a number of qualitative studies conducted in a controlled environment by the author. The author and his research team interviewed over 3,000 couples coming out of marriage license bureaus in the United States. The results of the study reflect the statistical tendencies of marriage. Although many of the lessons are plain common sense the author has statistical backup for his assertions.

So why do men marry some women and not others? Here’s a brief outline of the book.

The Six Basic Guidelines For Women To Get Married

1. Insist on it.


2. If you find yourself in a dead-end relationship, move on.


3. Love yourself first.


4. Commit yourself to the idea of getting married


5. Keep in shape, watch your weight, and take care of your appearance


6. Time is running out—use time wisely in your search for the marrying man

To maximize your chances of marrying, only date the marrying kind:

1. Most men will not consider marriage before they reach the age of commitment


• For 80% of high school graduates, 23


• For 80% of college graduates, 26


• For college men, the high-commitment period is 28-33


• For men who go to graduate school, 30-36


• After the age of 37-38, the chances that he’ll commit drops dramatically. After 43, it drops even more


• A 40+ man who has been married before is more likely to remarry than an equivalent bachelor is to marry


2. Most men will not contemplate marriage until they have been working and living as independent adults for several years (hence the high-commitment periods)


3. Men become likely to marry after they become uncomfortable with the singles scene a. E.g. They realize that they’ve become the sleazy old guys who hang out at the bars and hit on younger girls


4. Men do have a biological clock, based on their desire to be an active father (especially to their sons)


5. Misc. negative traits and warning signs


1. Men who see marriage as a financial arrangement in which women have the most to gain


2. Men whose parents divorced when they were young


3. Men who live with their parents
4. 
   Other key facts
   
6. Men often marry women whose religion, politics, values, and socioeconomic status match theirs


7. Men whose friends and siblings are married are more likely to marry


• 60% of the newly married men reported that they had a friend who had married within the last year.


• Those men who didn’t have any married male friends were 2-3 times as likely to say that they weren’t ready to marry.


• The majority of men who had seen their friends get married said that if they met the right woman, they’d think seriously about getting married.



8. Avoid stringers, men who string along women but never commit. To filter them out, insist that he commit after six months. Then stick to it, no matter what excuses he gives.



9. Consider unpolished jewels, men who are just as nice, intelligent, hard-working, and successful, but lack looks, height, or social skills.



10. 88% of men over 50 who were marrying for the first time were marrying divorced women. The women told the researchers that they had already tried the tall, suave, type, and he didn’t make a very good husband.

There’s much more to the book, but I encourage you to buy it and read it for yourself. Here’s a link to it on Amazon. http://www.amazon.com/Why-Marry-Some-Women-Others/dp/0446531138

Good News, Bad News...

The good news: I’m getting married! November 7, 2009
The bad news: I have no idea who the groom is!

Since my neat death experience I’ve been re-evaluating a few things in my life. I’ve come to a few decisions:

• I’m tired of just sleeping around. So I’m gonna stop doing it, with a very few exceptions. (Mr. MusicBiz being one of them)



• I don’t want to sleep with a lot of guys. I want to sleep with 1 guy for a sustained period of time.



• I’m now looking for a long-term relationship that will hopefully ultimately lead to marriage.

My goal is to be married by November 7, 2009. Why that date? It’s sort of random, but I figure I’ll need a year to get engaged and another 6 months to plan out he wedding. Who knows, maybe none of this will work out ot plan. The important thing is, I finally have a plan.

So from now on this blog will be about my great husband hunt.

Pearl Necklaces and Happy New Year

Anjelika and Wanda Discuss

- Hello 2008
- Mr. Charming
- Short Courses
- New Year's Resolutions
- Marriage
- Pearls
- YouPorn
- Masturbation

"I've been masturbating to YouPorn."

http://www.NaiveLondonGirl.com