Busy with the New Job

So it's the first week of work at my new job. I've been super busy so I haven't has as much time to update the blog. My pal DJ Tin (aka The Voice of Reason) is over here visiting.

He, Wanda and I are going to podcast sometime this week.

Oh, also here's something that has changed my life. I started using a new skin care regime by Jan Marini. No, I'm not being paid to endorse her or anything, but if anyone from Jan Marini is listening send me some free products.

Anyhow, I've been using their skin care management system and my skin looks fabulous. I love it! I haven't had skin so soft and clear since before puberty!

Gotta go now. Chat later!

OCD

As an addendum to yesterday's entry, Why Am I Still Single? I got a lot of interesting feedback as comments and as e-mail.

I just want to clarify that I'm not bemoaning the fact that I'm single.  Rather, I hate being asked why I'm single.  When I'm asked that it makes me feel like I have to justify that last ten years of my love life.  

Anyhow, I asked, the Voice of Reason, AKA my gay boyfriend AKA DJ Tin why he thinks I'm still single.

"Do you want that politically correct answer, or the truth?"  He asked.

"Whatever you feel is relevant for me to know," I replied.

"Well, you've spent the last ten years traveling the world.  Picking up one place and going to another.  Never really being settled anywhere. You've been focusing on your career.  You do these big incredible things and follow your heart.  And sometimes it doesn't work out."

I could hear him shrugging on the phone.

"Now the truth," I pressed on.

"You're obsessive compulsive."

There you go.  The Voice of Reason has spoken.

Vivid and in Your Prime

Vivid and in Your Prime

My Friend, The Voice of Reason is in town from New York. We went for a curry in Docklands for dinner. A conversation perused while we ate.

ANJ: (checking mobile phone) Pete hasn't called.

VOR: I've gotta say that there are enough red flags in this relationship.

ANJ: I know. I've only been telling you the bad stuff. I haven't been telling you the good stuff.

VOR: There's good stuff?

ANJ: Yes, of course.

VOR: Sounds like you're more into the concept of having a boyfriend.

ANJ: Yes, totally, I'm into the concept, but so what. I like how it sounds when I say, "I have a boyfriend" or "My boyfriend and I did this over the weekend." Guilty as charged. It's not just about having a boyfriend, it's about the perception of normalcy.

VOR: Meaning?

ANJ: There's a whole big list of things I need to tick off before I can feel, you know, normal. Having a boyfriend is one of those things. In the perceived race for life/ being an adult, I feel like I'm being left behind here. I'm 30 and have no husband, no kids. I have a flat, a dog, and a 2-seater car. I just want a NORMAL life.

VOR: Why?

ANJ: What do you mean why?

VOR: You're fabulous the way you are. Why do you want a quote/unquote normal life?

ANJ: I'm tired of being the one who's always left out. I don't care if it sounds boring to say that I want to meet someone and settle down. That's what I want!

VOR: You've traveled around the world. You've worked in 3 different countries - on three different continents. There are people that envy your life. You have a fab job at a TV company.

ANJ: Yes, okay, maybe. I'm not saying it's a bad life, but I'm saying I want more. I moved over to this country on my own. I'm tired of doing things alone. I hate the way it sounds. I hate the way it feels. I don't want to be alone. Not now.

VOR: You don't have to settle for this Pete guy, though. You should love your self more than that.

ANJ: I'm not settling for him! I like him. We have a great time together. Are things perfect? No. But he's only guy I've been attracted to in the past year that I've had more than a couple dates with. For what ever reason, the only guys that seem to be attracted to me are bald or over 40. And he's neither. So I'm happy enough to just go with the flow.

VOR: You don't sound happy.

ANJ: I am fine. I dunno. Maybe I'm not over the BFE yet? Fuck. (Pausing while chewing) It's been over a year. When will I finally get over him?

VOR: It's difficult because you were in love with him.

ANJ: I wasn't in love with him. I just liked him a lot. I mean that period when we were dating-

VOR: Fucking-

ANJ: Dating-

VOR: He was still married-

ANJ: Separated. He was separated. His wife moved out. For that period of time things were amazing. I lost all this weight. I loved my job. We had amazing sex. Not just average sex. It was amazing every time.

VOR: And you had to ruin it by having feelings for him.

ANJ: I couldn't help it. Anyhow, I make no apologies for that period of time. Things were good. Things ended naturally. I had to travel out of the country to work and so did he. And that was that. We both arrived back into the country a month later and he got back together with his wife. Was I disappointed with that? Yes. But I cherished the time we had together.

VOR: You weren't satisfied with that.

ANJ: I was! I was! It just all went downhill at the Radiohead show. I blame Thom Yorke.

VOR: You weren't satisfied with how it ended, and you let things get out of control at the Radiohead show. You should have said no.

ANJ: Who has that willpower? Who?

VOR: You should have said no.

ANJ: Are you any better? If the guy that gave you the best orgasms of your life, who you felt deeply for, who you haven't seen in months put his arms around you and started kissing you, you think I should walk away?

VOR: Yes.

ANJ: You expect me to be the good one here? He's the one with the wife. I was just along for the ride.

VOR: If you said no you wouldn't be in this mess in the first place.

ANJ: I'm not perfect. We were like 2 magnets drawn to each other. God, now we're like to magnets at polar opposites. Yes, I made the mistake, but he made it too. Anyhow with Pete, the sex is good. Things are nice, but I want it to reach that level that it did with the BFE.

VOR: These things take time.

ANJ: "And I know that I'm the most inept that ever stepped..."