Pete Burns and Lesbian Kisses

I had intended to wake up 6:30 AM in order to get to my interview / audition to be Pete Burn’s personal assistant but I hit my snooze button and slept another hour.

For those of you who don’t know, Pete Burns was the lead singer of Dead or Alive in the 1980’s. They had a hit with that song, “You Spin Me Round.” Anyhow Pete has a show coming up which is like the Apprentice. He plays the role of Donald Trump / Sir Alan Sugar. I was auditioning for a part on the reality TV series.

I woke up and found my dog had a new hobby. I’m not sure what’s all involved but I know that there is a lot of staring at the wall. That’s all she does, she stares at the wall intently. It’s as if she’s waiting for something or someone. She can do this for hours. What is so fascinating about the wall?

The audition / interview took place at Tavistok Square. As soon as I got there the production assistants were leading people inside. I filled in all the paperwork they gave me. There were release forms that I had to fill in so that they could film me. They asked questions on the forms questions such as, “Why do you want to be Pete’s PA?”

I was wearing a black Naive London Girl shirt and my black and pink tartan ‘fuck me from behind' skirt. I was looking damn good.

I bumped into Joseph in the Bracknell. How bizarre that I recognized him from his MySpace Page He seems like a cool guy but he look almost exactly like my dad! It was good to have a buddy to chat to there.

Both Joseph and I were fast-tracked through the audition process. I passed the first couple of stages. They kept filming us in one of the waiting areas. And they kept asking me if I was nervous. No, I wasn’t nervous. I might have come across as cocky but I’ve been to so many job interviews in my life I just don’t get nervous anymore.

Just sort of amusing myself, I commented on camera, “I want to work with someone with lips bigger than mine.”

Then I went into meet Pete Burns himself. If you picture the board room of the Apprentice, Pete was in the middle and his two assistants were on either side of him. He had heard the comments I made about his lips then proceeded to say, “Which lips.”

Even though I’m not a vegetarian I’m a member of PETA. I don’t believe in wearing fur. It’s cruel to animals. Ultimately it’s a personal choice, and I choose not to wear it. Pete, however, wasn’t happy that I’m anti-fur. I think that hurt my chances of being a PA, but whatever.

They told me right there on camera that I wasn’t proceeding any further. I have a feeling that my rejection will be broadcasts to all of the UK. I sort of didn’t care, but it would have been nice to have been chosen.

After the audition I went to lunch with Joseph and his friend. We did post-mortem on our respective auditions. Joseph seemed to do better than me. “We’ll call you!” I heard one of the PA’s say to him. That’s better than the stone cold rejection that I got.

To earn some extra cash I worked at G.A.Y. Aside from the pride parades I’ve been in / to I’ve never seen so many gay men in my life. It was so hot and sweaty there. I kept having to check that my make-up hasn’t smeared off!

I also have never been called, “Sweety” “Darling” so much in my life. It was actually quite fun! I got hit on by two lesbians. One of whom asked me to kiss her. So I gave her a peck on both cheeks – on her face, you sicko!

That was the first time in a long time that I’ve been able to work somewhere and not have to wear proper work attire. I like being able to dress in boho hipster attire. I like being able to express my individuality in how I wear my hair and my clothes.

Even though the money is shit I met so many people and had a good time.

As I left G.A.Y. at 5:00 AM the sun was up. I was sooooo tired. The dog was ecstatic to see me when I got in. I slept until 1PM then went out with friends to dinner. They paid for my sorry broke ass. Awwww, that’s what friends are for.

Tuesday morning I have an interview with a MAJOR television station. Wish me luck!