How Big is a Whale Cock?

How Big is a Whale Cock?


ANJELIKA rants
This guy that I fancied for so long is going out with my fucking doppelgänger! Someone who looks like me but isn't me. How unfair is that?!? And SHE's not even interested in him! It was insulting enough that he would rather go out with NO ONE instead of me. It's even more insulting that he's going out with someone who looks like me but isn't me. That says not only do I not look good enough for him. My personality sucks as well!
And she's got two kids!!!

WANDA on Photography
It was weird because when he was a teenager he went into a coma. And he actually died once. And since then if you take a picture of him it's never in focus.

WANDA on Whales
It's weird because I do feel like I have some sort of gravitational pull. Sometimes I don't want any of the nuts on the table but they just seem to come to me. I look down and I just have three nuts on my top.

ANJ: Nuts and coming are a good topic.

Other topics include: Internet dating, Et Tu Brute, Anti-One, queue jumping, irrational jealousy, friendships, Rhianna, Shia LeBeuof, crushes, changing your race, The Great barrier reef

Coda for the Anti-One

Coda for the Anti-One

“I just wanted to wring his fucking neck”

Surprisingly, I have received as much e-mail and instant messages for “Anti-one is the Lonliest number” as the, “I Fucked a Girl and Stole her Skirt” entry. I say surprisingly because there wasn’t a stitch of sex in it and I assumed most people would skip it. I suppose I’ve hit a chord or the Anti-One is a universal experience that everyone can relate to.

That being said, I got an instant message from someone who reads this blog. I don’t want to mention his name because my intent is not to embarrass him. I, however, got SO ANGRY talking to him. Now, I should apologize to the man who messaged me. My strong reaction here isn’t about you, per se. I’m reacting to all the present, past & future Anti-Ones.

He admitted to me that he was some girl’s Anti-One. I just wanted to wring his fucking neck on behalf of the poor girl pining away at him. To go further, he said he realizes when he’s pushes the girl to the limit; to that point where she’s about to say, “Fuck you get out of my life.” He then goes out of his way to woo her back into his good graces. Soon enough he puts his guard up again because he can’t imagine himself “being with her.” What an asshole.

Listen guys, if you know that you’re someone’s Anti-One, just stop. Stop!

Stop the flirting. Stop innuendo. Stop the broken promises. Stop with your bullshit. At the end of the day it’s about fulfilling your own ego. How selfish. You all should be lined up and shot.

Don’t try to convince us that there might be a chance a something (whether it be a relationship or a shag) when you know it’s not going to happen. The kindest thing you can do, and I say this with a lot love, is fuck off! Leave us alone and find your mind-fucking ego-groupies elsewhere.

Anti-One is the loneliest number. Theoretically speaking.

Anti-One is the loneliest number. Theoretically speaking.

There are lovelorn fools who think that there’s someone out there for everyone; and that your whole dating life ultimately leads you on a search to find, “the one.”

I, on the other hand, don’t believe that shit. Maybe there’s someone out there for a lot of people, but just not everyone. I would reckon that the split is 40:60. Forty percent of people will find, “the one” while the rest of us will meander under the belief that “the one” is out there, however, we’ll never find them.

The idea of the one is bullshit. It’s a race to find a husband. Why the race? If there’s ever a reason that I want to get married it’s because I love cake! The idea of a wedding cake is fantastic. Who needs the rest of the pomp & circumstance? I just want cake! I digress.

The race for a husband is perpetuated by the fear that if we don’t snag someone soon we may die or even become disfigured before ever hearing the words, “I love you.” And if it’s hard enough meeting someone with all your limbs intact imagine how much harder it would be if we were disfigured? Then again, it seemed to work out for Heather Mills (or not).

What I really want to talk about is the “Anti-One.” More cruel than “the one that got away’, the anti-one is the one you never had; the one you never a chance with; the one you lusted after and couldn’t get. The “anti-one” is the ultimate unrequited love (or lust) of your life. It’s the person you want physically and can’t have. It’s the person you want emotionally and you can’t have.

In a strange way, it boils down to quantum mechanics. Electrons, Protons, positive & negative charges. Anti-One always builds a wall around themselves. Think of it as an invisible force field. A line of force. You can’t go beyond a certain point or you get shut out. Despite the risk of being shut out you’re drawn in again and again. I actually know a mathematical formula for this, but I’ll spare you’re the gory details.

I’ve been thinking about the Anti-Ones in my life. There are three at the moment:

1. There’s the guy I can reach intimately but not emotionally.

2. There’s a guy I can reach emotionally, but not intimately.

3. Then there’s the guy with the intermittent force field. Sometimes it’s up. Sometimes it’s down. The cumulative effect is tantamount to being unavailable.

I have to ask myself, why do I put effort into something so fruitless? If the net result is always not being able to penetrate the force field, then why do I bother trying? The answer has come about after some long deep thought (psychotherapy):

Anti-Ones are clever. They know when you’re going to throw the towel in. It’s a sixth sense. Just as you’re at the point where you think, “Fuck it, I don’t care anymore.” They dangle a carrot in front of you. It’s the lure; the bait. It’s sometimes (badly) disguised as a promise. A false promise with the prize being entry into the force field. Or maybe it’s the false hope that you and the Anti-one would become intimate. E.G. the date that never happens. Or maybe he leads on emotionally. “I love you.” said without earnest. Generally, Anti-Ones will promise (lie) about anything in order to get their needs filled and keep you keen. Even if they’re not keen on you.

For whatever reason, Anti-Ones need us around. Maybe if we didn’t exist they wouldn’t need their force field. And maybe it’s that force field that validates their existence. I mean everyone wants adoration, don’t they?