Sucker Punched
The Friday before last I went out on date with a guy from the internet dating service. The date was just sort of blah, you know. He seemed boring. And he had kids. I’m looking for a guy without baggage. We were chatting and I realized that my life has been way more adventurous than his. What a let down. I’m looking for a guy who’s life has been more adventurous than mine. I had to drink more to compensate for the fact that I was so bored. The date ended without any chemistry and I went home drunk on the tube.
A few people have written to me here either volunteering to be my next date or wondering why I’m going internet dating. To be clear, I have no problem getting laid. I don’t need an internet dating service to get laid. As long as I have my 34DD’s then I’ll have no problem getting laid.
I’ve had a year of sex with no strings attached fun. I want something more substantial now. I wanna fuck the same guy every day for the foreseeable future. So unless you think you’re relationship material. Don’t bother.
Last Thursday was my first drinks night out with work colleagues. There had been a drinks night a few weeks before but I was in
hospital. So on this warm Thursday I had an early lunch. By the time we got to the pub at 6:30 I was drinking on an empty stomach. I managed to get substantially tipsy after a single glass of wine.
At drinks night, there was a guy from work there that I have the hots for. Let’s call him TJ (Tall Jake). You all should know me by now to figure out that my sole reason for going to drinks night was because I have the hots for this guy.
Unfortunately, Thursday was his last day at work- not last day for the week. Last day EVER. He got some bigger better job at a different network. Essentially, it was a do or die moment. Can you believe it? The one guy at work I have the hots for and he’s leaving the company! With my luck I’ll probably never see him again...
Our group of work colleagues became smaller and smaller because various people left the pub. I realized that I was in a very small group of people. We’d gone from 20, down to 4 and it was an excellent chance to chat up TJ. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize that I had competition. Blonde, Anorexic and Dumb (BAD) a co-worker with a bad dye job comes traipsing in. She had been outside smoking. There weren’t any seats left at our table so she sits on TJ’s lap.
FUCKING COCKBLOCKER!
Eventually TJ gets up because a mate of his arrives. He goes to the bar, orders a beer and chats with his mate. Meanwhile, I’m on my 2nd glass of wine and starting to feel quite drunk.
I chat with BAD and a few other colleagues for a bit. I eventually decide that I’m too drunk to stay there, so I announce that I’m going home. I get up from our table and head to the bar. I tell TJ I’m leaving and I wish him good luck on his new position.
Instead of a quick goodbye, we end up talking for an additional forty-five minutes. We exchange numbers. There’s total chemistry and definite flirting on both parts. You can tell if a guy is interested if he makes body contact and there was definite touching. He rubbed my arm, put his hand on my hip and touched my shoulder no less than 10 times. (Yes, I’m a loser for counting)
As our conversation was winding down, I stood on a stool near the bar.
“Ah-ha!” I declared, “Now I’m as tall as you.”
“I’m still taller.” TJ answered.
“Well at least we’re at eye-level now. I’m never eye level with any guy.” I bemoan.
“I know how that is.” TJ says calmly, “I finally have a girlfriend who’s as tall as me.”
Ouch! I’ve just been sucker punched.
Not that I was
Facebook stalking him, but at least he could have mentioned the girlfriend thing in his profile.
What a waste of an evening.
Labels: cockblockers, colleages, drinking, internet dating, sucker punched
