Thursday, March 29, 2007

Lesbian Dreams and Self-Esteem

Wanda and Anjelika chat about

-Lesbian dreams
-Chelsea Clinton
-Daniel Radcliffe
-Wanda's down-syndrome boyfriend
-E.T. ruined
-Self-Esteem
-The top 20 search terms
-China and China


The UK's #1 Sex Podcast


Labels: , , ,

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

There are No Single People in Ikea

There are no Single People in Ikea

There is nothing that exacerbates the gulf between the things I need and my current lack of resources quite like Ikea. I was determined not to make this trip to Ikea the soul-destroying experience that it had been in the past.

After picking up Doggums from the crèche I drove there. I know that I'm not going to fit a lot in my 2-seater car, but there was stuff that I need for my flat. I feel so unsettled that there's so much to add to the flat. And the only furniture I've bought in 5 months is a waterbed, coffee table and sofa.

I feel like I'm living like a student and going to Ikea makes me feel so inadequate.

The vast majority of people in Ikea seem to be there for good reasons. What really freaks me out is that everyone at Ikea is there as part of a couple. There are no single people in Ikea. I swear I saw people laughing at me when I arrived alone – in a two seater car, no less.

The only single people at Ikea are recently singled people. The ones that have been dumped and now need to find a new place to live and new furniture in it. But there is no on there like me, you know, permanently single.

And then when you walk around Ikea you see smiley happy couples everywhere inside. They're sitting on the sofas, they're examining the settees, they're opening cabinet doors and taking measurements in the display kitchens. If there was one word to describe them it would be smug. They're so fucking smug. Oh they've finally made it in life. They bought a three bedroom terrace, Chelsea tractor and now all they need is the perfect furniture.

Buying furniture on your own is a completely daunting experience. First of all I know that I can't put any of this furniture together myself. When I look at a bookshelf or a wardrobe or anything with more than 4 screws I get all flustered. I know these items are things that I need but trying to figure out how I'm going to put it together is like doing long division in my head!

Secondly, I know it can't fit in my car. So that means I have to have it delivered. But they only deliver between 9 AM and 5 PM . Excuse me, I work! No, there's no one who can be there for the delivery. No husband. No boyfriend. I don't even have any unemployed friends that can help out. Sure, I could take the day off work, but that would add another £500 to the cost of the furniture. And let's face it, if I had another £500 to spend I wouldn't be at fucking Ikea.

Thirdly, if you're shopping at Ikea with someone else they can tell you if you're making a good decision or not. But now the burden of good taste now rests solely on me. If I make a bad furniture decision I have to live with it.

I think there's a secret Ikea conspiracy to convert people into buying wicker. I hate wicker. There are few things made out of wicker that I think are useful, yet every time I go into Ikea I find myself strangely drawn to the wicker section. Wicker is so suburban. Wicker is so bland. Wicker is so not me and I feel resentful that Ikea somehow trying to convert me.

But what I absolutely hate about Ikea is that it makes me question everything that I thought was good in my life because they have something newer and better. It doesn't matter if I thought I had a great sofa at home; at Ikea I can buy a whole room full of furniture that would match the sofa better. It doesn't matter if I thought I was cleverly storing away my clothes. They've got something that will store my stuff away even better. No matter what I have at home Ikea has something newer and better . And as I troll through the isles with twenty odd scraps of paper listing pseudo-Swedish sounding items that I'm somehow intending to buy I feel like a complete failure; that if the world ended tomorrow my life hasn't been complete because I never managed to buy and install the Läck shelf.

Why am I so drawn to a place that makes me feel so awful? Why do I keep going back if I always feel unsatisfied there? Maybe that's just how life is. Sometimes being able to feel an emotion is more fulfilling then being numb and feeling nothing at all.

Labels: , , , , , ,

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Cum in my Hair: Finger Fucked in Mayfair

Cum in my Hair: Finger Fucked in Mayfair

I’ve been thinking a lot about the Chaos Theory.

For the first time this year I actually felt sad immediately after a very good sexual experience.

A few weeks ago Wanda asked me to go with her and another friend to a sex party at Club Rub. Despite my wicked past, I’m not into orgies. Yeah, of course I have had a few but with people I know. There seems something a bit weird and sleezy about group sex with people you don’t know. At the same time, it also seems really exciting. I’m too chikenshit to partake but I figured it would be a good experience just to watch.

Last week I started thinking about the party. I was beginning to change my mind. I called into the radio station LBC during Iain Lee’s show asked on air what I should wear to the party.

As soon as I hung up from being on air a friend of mine rang. It was the same friend who delivered the nightie to CS. She said that just as she was leaving Eagle Eye’s party. Eagle Eye got a job at a rival network and was having a leaving do.

I decided to go to the party. I realized that I may be entering enemy territory as far as CS was concerned, but I sort of didn’t care. The only problem was that I was wearing a really horrible jumper. That morning something told me to wear a skirt to work. But since the cute guy was away on holiday I figure not point in making the effort, eh?

It was nearing 9:00 and all the department stores were closed. In a moment of genius I found the nearest branch of my gym went in and bought a severely overpriced pink long-sleeved pink Nike shirt. I would have paid twice the price for it as long as I looked good at the party.

In the gym locker room, I put on the shirt and a bit of make up. I spritzed my hair with water ran back to my car. I drove around the block before and found parking on a side street not too far from the pub.

All eyes turned to me as I entered the pub with my dog. A few old colleges let out a little squeal, “Oh Anjelika!” It feels good to be welcomed. I almost felt like Norm from “Cheers.”

Even though I hated working on that World War II documentary, I really missed the people I worked with. Stephanie was there and looked fantastic as usual. CS was there as well. I knew he’d be there. Eagle Eye is one of his best mates. CS and I both actively avoided each other. I don’t think we were ever on the same side of the room at the same time. The weird thing is, I didn’t care. I totally didn’t care. I stared at him from across the room and he no longer seemed good-looking to me. He seemed boring and blah. There was no mystery to him. His hair didn’t look good either. His dashing blond hair was brown and dull.

This time last year he and I were kissing in Prague. Amazing how things change in a year/

A few face were missing from the party. D-Mac wasn’t there. Apparently he left a few minutes before I arrived. BKFITW quit the month before and the Cockblocker had fucked off back to Australia.

As I was making my rounds through the pub and catching up with various old co-workers, I spotted the DG from across the room. Our eyes met and I smiled back at him. He made his way through the crowded pub towards me. We embraced. He gave me kiss on both cheeks and asked if I wanted a drink. I was driving that night and Doggums was with me and I couldn’t figure out if I wanted to drink or not. There was part of me that wanted to be drunk and silly. Yet the other part of me needed to be responsible.

The DG was good. He seemed like his normal cheery self. I remember hating my job then, but looking forward to seeing him smile and say hello to me. It’s funny how you get used to things and how you can as easily get un-unsed to things.

While the DG was getting my drink, I talked to my old buddies in production. Everyone seemed well and happy. No drams, no gossip. It was good to catch up and feel like one of the gang again.

The DG returned with a glass of wine for me. He put his arm around me and gave me a squeeze.

“You look really good.” He said.

“Oh thanks,” I replied, not really taking in his compliment.

“No, you look really good.”

I smiled back. Thank God I bought this overpriced pink shirt instead of wearing that monstrosity of a jumper. I’m sure he wouldn’t be saying that I looked good then.

The DG and I continued talking about work. Out of the corner of my eye I saw CS trying to kiss Jaz, while a small crowd was egging him on. I had wondered if he were doing this to make me jealous but I kept thinking. Been there. Done that. Why bother kissing him in public when he can eat me out in private. I rolled my eyes and refocused on the DG.

The DG was saying how he’d been looking for me online all week, but I wasn’t there. “Oh yeah.” I said quite flippantly, “I’ve been busy, you know”

“I’ve been thinking about you. A lot. I miss you around the office. Come back and work here.”

“Let me know if there’s a position available.”

I put my arm around him. We embraced. Out of the corner of my eye I see CS pointing a video camera in our direction. I give CS a pointed look then turn my attention back to the DG.

The DG puts his hand around my waist. I pull away knowing that CS is filming.

“We’re being filmed.” I whisper to him. The DG turns around
“Let’s move towards the back.”

As we squeeze our way to the back of the pub Doggums tries to follow. I pick her up just so she won’t feel scared from all the people towering over her.

As we squeeze by the DG accidentally brushes against might left breast.

“Oh, so I bet you’re going to tell me that was an accident, eh?”

He smiles. “Accidents happen. Do you remember that time when I accidentally touched your boob.”

“A few seconds ago?”

“No, when you first started working here. We were here in the pub. There were only 3 of us here.”

“No. Still doesn’t ring a bell.”

“I brushed up against you, accidentally. And you pointed it out and said I did it on purposes.”

I stare at him as if he’s tyring to tell me something compeltley untrue.

“I’m sorry I don’t remember. Well, that’s when I first fancied you.”

“Oh my god?!? You fancy me?” I say genuinely surprised and in a hushed tone.

“Of course I do.”

I feel shocked. I mean I know he liked flirting with me, but I put it off as him being a big flirt. I didn’t realize that he actually fancied me.

“Well, I have a little confession of my own to make,” I say coyly, “I have a little bit of a crush on you too.”

I set Doggums down on the ground and the DG and I hug again. I hope no one here is keeping track of the amount of hugs that we’ve shared this evening so far.

Doggums gets starts barking and I feel like I should go home.

I look at the clock on the wall. “What time are you catching the train?” I ask him.

He’s vague, “Oh yeah, I’m just catching a late one. They run all night. Did you take the train here?”

“No I drove.”

“Ah.”

“Have you seen my car?”

“In pictures, not in person.”

“You have to see it. It’s fab.”

I pick up Doggums with one hand and carried my glass of wine with the other. We all squeezed our way to the front of the pub. We exit the pub. Strangely it’s a warm winter night. Feels like spring. It’s one of those nights were it’s just warm enough that you don’t need a coat.

I set Doggums down and the DG and I walked around the corner to my car.

“Very nice,” he says.

I set my wine glass on the curb and follows suit with his beer glass.

“I was going to get a Volkswagon Polo, but I thought this suited my personality more.”

“I love the color. It really does suit you.”

“Thanks.”

And in a moment of shared madness, I turned towards him, looked into his eyes and moved my mouth towards his. We kissed. It was slow. Passionate. Beautiful. He cupped his hands around my face as we kept kissing. It was awesome.

There’s nothing better than kissing someone you fancy for the first time. Shit, that kiss I had with the BFE on our first state has to be one of the best kisses ever. My kiss with the DG is a contender for the top three.

In the middle of kissing I suddenly had a reality check:
A. He’s married
B. We’re a stones throw from the pub and anyone could see us
C. He’s a friend who I admire and respect.
D. His poor wife

Then out of nowhere, my morals, which had been on a semi-permanent vacation kicked in.

“We shouldn’t be doing this,” I said. “We can’t do this.”

I backed away. He pleasant and respectful in agreeing with me. As I went to pick up my wine glass to head inside I said to him,

“Don’t get me wrong, kissing you is great but, it’s just….”
“I know…”
“But if it’s any consolation, I’m really, really wet now.”

Before I can pick up my glass he grabs my hand and we start running down the empty street. Doggums follows. We turn the corner into an alleyway. He backs me into a brick wall grabbing both my hands, and kisses me.

“God, you’re so beautiful,” he says.

He kisses me fervently and even though one or two people walk past we don’t care. He lets go of my hands and I take his glasses off his face setting them down carefully. We continue kissing. I wrap my arms around him and he wraps his arms around me.

It all feels amazing and then my morals kick in again. And even though I don’t want to stop. I have to. He seems understanding. I pick up his glasses for him. We walk back to my car. We pick up our wine / beer glasses and head back inside the pub.

I suddenly felt so weird. As if, I were in some parallel universe. I couldn’t believe this was happening. I never imagined a day where I’d be making out with the DG. I chatted with a gay pal, the Impaler for a bit. He looked good.

“So does the DG still fancy your boobs. Especially in blue satin?
“Shhhhh! Dude. That’s a secret and he’s right behind us!”

I feel totally weirded out. Out of the corner of my eye I saw CS a few feet from me. He was sitting down at the table with his head buried in his hands. I almost felt something for him then. There’s something cute about a guy being vulnerable. Whatever it was I quickly snapped out of it.

“I’m going home.” I announced. It just felt too weird being there. Being there with the DG who I just made out with. And CS who I used to make out with. It was as if my past, present and future were all there at once.

I put on my coat and waved bye to the DG.

“You’re leaving?”
“Yeah, I gotta go” I answered.
“Wait for me. Just wait 15 minutes.”

I looked at the clock on the wall.

“Okay.”

I spent another 15 minutes chatting with Stephanie, Fred and the Impaler. As the last call bell sounded more and more people left the pub.

The DG and I were among the last to go. He asked me for a ride to Kings Cross. I said yeah.

Having a 2-seater cer is great. It means that you never have to offer a ride to more than one person. And even though there were a couple more people who needed to go to Kings Cross, they would just have to take the Northern line..

I put the dog and the dog bed in back. The DG and I got in the car and began the short drive to Kings Cross.

In the car he reaching over and kissing my ear and neck. It felt good. Fuck it felt so good. At the red lights we’d turn and kiss. I used to hate couples I’d seen doing that, now I was one of them. I started to lose my concentration on the road.

“I’m going to have to pull over,” I told him.

I looked for a quiet deserted street where we could park. Ironically enough, it happened to be in Mayfair.

On a dark, tranquil street I pulled the car over. We continued kissing, but quickly it progressed. He lifted my shirt up and reached for my breast. He released my left breast from my pink bra and began sucking on it. He nibbled my nipples just the right way. I almost came from the way he nibbled on them.

We continued our kissing and I reached for his belt buckle furiously unfastening it. I reached down his pants and found his cock. It was rock hard. I somehow felt victorious finally getting it. For a cock it was beautiful. Pristine and uncut. I assumed the position and place my mouth just on the head of his cock. I suckelekd it just a bit before lounging it down my throat. .

He began breathing heavily and sighing with pleasure. The car windows steamed up. I cupped his balls with my right hand.

I sucked him off until he was at breaking point. Then I strategically stopped.

I unbuckled my jeans. He pulled down my pink panties and began fingering me. With the small amount of space in the car it was hard to get into a good position to get fingered. So I didn’t cum. But I somehow didn’t mind.

I wanted to mount him but he insisted that we didn’t fuck. I sure wanted to even thought I knew it was wrong.. He rubbed his cock against my pussy but didn’t dare enter.

I sucked him off. He played with my boobs for a bit more. Then I gave him a hand job and he came on my tits.

The amount of cum that landed on my body was amazing. Probably a record as far as the guys I’ve been with goes.

He was silent after he came. The atmosphere was weird. It’s as if we’ve both been though some strange experience. As if we were war buddies walking back to the base after a humiliating defeat.

We drove on to Kings Cross. He kissed me passionately again before he got out of the car.

It all would been romantic if I didn’t have cum stuck in my hair.

Labels: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Touch and go with Mr. Foppish Movie Star.

Touch and go with Mr. Foppish Movie Star.

While stopped at a traffic light on Euston Road my dog started barking madly. I looked over to her in the passenger’s seat. She was on her hind legs barking at a familiar face the next car over.

I looked over and saw it was Mr.FoppishMovieStar. MFMS It took me a few seconds to realize it was him. I’ve never seen him in that particular car before. Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him with that many clothes before.

He looked good. He was pointing and smiling at Doggums. I smiled back. He laughed and waved. The blonde in the car with him shot me a dirty look.

Anyhow, it was good to see him again. Even if the moment was fleeting.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Pavement Kisses

Pavement Kisses

This is my new favorite song.

It’s by a band called Elva Snow.

I was listening to it the other day. It’s slow. Moody. Evocative. Beautiful. I could listen to it on repeat over and over.

I’ve heard that song so many times, but this time I really HEARD the lyrics. There’s a line in the song that goes, “Cuz something is better than nothing…” And that line really hit me:

Is something really better than nothing? Is getting part of what you want better than not getting it at all?

Think of the things you want most in life. Now, think of only getting part of it. Is it worth it? Is it better to compromise on your dreams and accept a bastardized version of it, or should you hold out for the real thing?

Would you settle for doing regional theater if you dream is to be on the West End?

Is getting 5 numbers on Euro Millions better than getting none at all?

Is having an affair with someone better than being just being friends?

Which is better? I don’t know answer to that, but it’s something I’ve been thinking about all week.

Labels:

Sunday, March 11, 2007

These Boots are Made for Fucking

I’ve been a bad girl this weekend. It’s too nice of a day to spend inside typing so I’ll make this short and sweet.

On Saturday a friend came over my place to do some handyman work for me. There must something about seeing a guy do DIY that turns me on. Is it too lame to say I like a guy who knows how to use his tool? Yeah, ok, that is lame.

Now I wasn’t planning on doing anything with this guy, per se, but I couldn’t help myself. Why am I so naughty? And why does doing the wrong thing feel so good and so right?

After he finished the work we were both sitting on my leather sofa drinking some apple juice and petting the dog. Somehow within the span of a half hour we went from staring at each other, to holding each other to rubbing each other – above the clothes of course. According to the Rule Book, it doesn’t count if the touching is above the clothes.

I was wearing a black A-line skirt. I liked that his hand was under my skirt and that he was rubbing my fuchsia panties. I love that tingly feeling of an unfamiliar touch. And I love that look on his face; the look that tells me he’s happy and has a raging hard on. It’s difficult, however, when the moment is tinged with guilt; when you know you shouldn’t go any further; when what’s wrong feels right and vice versa.

It’s head versus heart; theory versus practice; the moral high ground versus horniness. And perhaps the fact that it’s forbidden makes it even more alluring.

He pushed me away. I figured, fair enough. Game over. Don’t push the issue. I had been bad for tempting him in the first place. I ended up falling to the floor ass first with my legs in the air. And no sooner that I thought I lost, in one swift motion he jumps down to the floor, grabs for my panties and violently yanks them off me. He throws them across the room and buries his head in my pussy. Oh my God. He’s a fucking madman and I love it.

He went after my pussy with so much vim and vigor that it puts some others to shame. He was so energetic and gung-ho about it as if he hadn’t tasted pussy in years. He used his tongue and fingers. He kept one finger in my cunt while licking my clit.

I came, and he kept licking. I came twice more before he stopped. I wanted to fuck him. I wanted it badly. He was just going to tease me with his cock. We went out on the balcony and he fingered me while we overlooked London. Back inside he pressed his cock against me, but wouldn’t enter. It’s a fantastic feeling yet simultaneously frustrating.

I played with his balls and sucked on his cock until my mobile rang. It was so naughty how he was touching me up while I was on the phone. It was Wanda on the line. She was early! She was outside by my car! I wanted to send her a secret message that said come back in an hour, but I just froze and told her to ring my buzzer.

The next 5 minutes were spent trying to get him off. I jerked him off for a while. Then I took his cock into my mouth. He came in my mouth. It was lot of cum. A lot more than I’m used to; then again can you ever really get used to someone ejaculating in your mouth?

We snogged and I swapped the cum from my mouth into his. And he obediently swallowed.

My phone rang again. It was Wanda. She said she was outside the flat. I thought she meant outside the building. I opened my front door.

“Anjelika, are you not wearing any pants?”

“No, I’m not.” It was true. I opened my front door while being naked from my bellybutton down, but I didn’t expect her to be there.

She was a bit flustered. I told her to wait outside.

My friend Mr. Fix it made a swift exit.

I met up with Wanda twenty minutes later. She had gone to a café across the road.

We hung out for a few hours, took the dog to the vet and did a podcast.

After she left, I got ready for my hot date with Mr.TVP (Mr. Television Presenter)

I met Mr. TVP outside the building where he broadcasts. We went out for dinner at a restaurant within walking distance. Dinner was nice. I felt bad because I couldn’t finished the lovely steak l ordered.

Mr.TVP is also a great guy to talk to. But I wasn’t sure if he was really listening to me or zoning out into his chat show presenter mode. The restaurant had lousy service despite the food being good.

After dinner we went back to his dressing room. I was wearing the same A-Line black skirt along with a tight black T-shirt that showed off my breasts. To top if off I was wearing black high heel boots.

As soon as we got into the dressing room, Mr. TVP bent me over, lifted my skirt, pulled down my panties and began fingering me.

There’s something I love about being bent over. Maybe it’s the feeling of submission. I dunno. Eventually I took off my skirt, shirt and black bra. I was naked except for the boots.

I was naked and bend over the side of the sofa. He fingered me for a while and stuck his cock inside. Mmmmmmmm.

His cock wasn’t in there long. I was getting a bit uncomfortable being bent over, so we moved to floor. He fingered me until I came and then we fucked doggie style while I was still wearing the boots.

Afterwards I joined him for a bit in the office, but I was feeling tired. I watched him read some fan mail. Then he got on to the internet to check some message boards. He was looking to see if there were any messages about him. Of course there were. Tons. Why he would want to read them, I don’t know? To a certain extent, who cares what the public thinks. Maybe he’s vain? I guess all people on TV are vain. There are so many creepy people on the internet. Well, I guess I should know.

He walked me to my car and kissed me good night.

Saturday is all about being a bad girl.

Labels: , , , ,

A Saturday Without Panties Part 2

Where we last left off, Anjelika was describing the colour of her panties.

Part 2: A Saturday without panties

http://www.NaiveLondonGirl.com

Labels: , , ,

Saturday, March 10, 2007

A Saturday without Panties Part 1

Wanda knocks on Anjelika's door only to find her sans Panties. .

Part 1: A Saturday without panties

http://www.NaiveLondonGirl.com

Labels: , , , ,

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Tasting your Own Juices

Wanda and Anjelika have a natter about:

- Tasting your Own Juices
- Awkward converations with your lover's wife
- Is Clive Bull Gandhi?
- Wanda reveals her Playboy past
- Can you ever be too tired to have sex?
- The pussy snorkel and the chin ditto

Naive London Girl, the UK's #1 Podcast


Labels: , , , ,