No, No, Nokia and Month Anniversaries
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Is it worth celebrating month anniversaries?
About seven and a half months ago I met my boyfriend online. We chatted phone and on instant messenger. We exchanged pictures. Even though he was in London as well our first meeting took six weeks. It was way slower than I was used to moving. In that time I grew to care for him. Sounds weird, doesn't it? Caring about someone you've never met.
We finally went on our first date. It was disaterous from the start. We started off our first date in the Emergency Room. That was 6 months ago yesterday.
What are the rules about celebrating monthly anniversaries? I'm someone who hasn't had a lot of long term relationships. So celebrating the 6 month mark seems important to me. (It's probably more important to me than to him) But what about all the months in-between? What about all the months until we make it to one year? Do you celebrate month anniversaries?
At the 3-month mark, I gave my boyfriend a book a love coupons that I made myself. Mine weren't as cheesy as the ones pictured here. In my book of coupons I offered:
And in return for our three month anniversary he gave me... nothing.
To celebrate 6 months I gave him a new mobile phone - a nice Nokia. I figured since his old phone was really old I would give him an upgrade. I know it's not really a "romantic" gift, but in some ways I felt stuck on what to give him.
So I gave him the mobile and his reaction.... "uh, thanks." He didn't like it. He says he's not into the mobile phone thing. So he handed the gift back to me and said that maybe I could use it. I don't like Nokias. I bought that phone specifically for him and it is a major upgrade. And his gift in return to me... nothing. "You're not supposed to give gifts until the first anniversary," he said.
Wait, is that true? Or is that some bullshit someone who didn't buy a gift would say? And if that's true, how come I never clocked that? Do you wait until the one year mark to buy gifts for each other?
Another question? Should he have graciously accepted my gift even if he didn't want it? Should he have told a little white lie and said he appreciated it? Or was it better for him just to tell me the truth about not like it?
I feel pretty upset by it all. I'm trying not to. I think I'm hormonal or something because I've been feeling depressed about stuff all day. To make matters worse, I used the last of the money in my bank account to get him an anniversary gift he doesn't even want. So now I'm broke, jobless, Phones4U won't take the phone back and as far as anniversaries go, ours was pretty shitty.
Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow. I've just had one of those days where every little thing feels like a major setback and I just feel like crying.
About seven and a half months ago I met my boyfriend online. We chatted phone and on instant messenger. We exchanged pictures. Even though he was in London as well our first meeting took six weeks. It was way slower than I was used to moving. In that time I grew to care for him. Sounds weird, doesn't it? Caring about someone you've never met.
We finally went on our first date. It was disaterous from the start. We started off our first date in the Emergency Room. That was 6 months ago yesterday.
What are the rules about celebrating monthly anniversaries? I'm someone who hasn't had a lot of long term relationships. So celebrating the 6 month mark seems important to me. (It's probably more important to me than to him) But what about all the months in-between? What about all the months until we make it to one year? Do you celebrate month anniversaries?
At the 3-month mark, I gave my boyfriend a book a love coupons that I made myself. Mine weren't as cheesy as the ones pictured here. In my book of coupons I offered:
- a blow job
- a day with out the dog
- a day-trip within England
- 1-hour of cuddling
- a day of pampering
- breakfast in bed
- 50 spanks
And in return for our three month anniversary he gave me... nothing.
To celebrate 6 months I gave him a new mobile phone - a nice Nokia. I figured since his old phone was really old I would give him an upgrade. I know it's not really a "romantic" gift, but in some ways I felt stuck on what to give him.
So I gave him the mobile and his reaction.... "uh, thanks." He didn't like it. He says he's not into the mobile phone thing. So he handed the gift back to me and said that maybe I could use it. I don't like Nokias. I bought that phone specifically for him and it is a major upgrade. And his gift in return to me... nothing. "You're not supposed to give gifts until the first anniversary," he said.
Wait, is that true? Or is that some bullshit someone who didn't buy a gift would say? And if that's true, how come I never clocked that? Do you wait until the one year mark to buy gifts for each other?
Another question? Should he have graciously accepted my gift even if he didn't want it? Should he have told a little white lie and said he appreciated it? Or was it better for him just to tell me the truth about not like it?
I feel pretty upset by it all. I'm trying not to. I think I'm hormonal or something because I've been feeling depressed about stuff all day. To make matters worse, I used the last of the money in my bank account to get him an anniversary gift he doesn't even want. So now I'm broke, jobless, Phones4U won't take the phone back and as far as anniversaries go, ours was pretty shitty.
Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow. I've just had one of those days where every little thing feels like a major setback and I just feel like crying.
Labels: anniversaries, relationships
posted by Naive London Girl at 11/07/2009 10:01:00 PM
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10 Comments:
i do it, ive never done the proper relationship thing before so we do it but not with presents or anything, mines eight months today infact, and im sorry yours didnt go well
I think it was very shitty of him not to accept the phone, not wishing to upset you further ,he sounds like a complete arsehole, selfish and ungrateful.
Ok, so there are many things "wrong" with this. Let’s start by pointing out the obvious : If you are almost broke and know it, don't go out and buy unnecessary things ( like phones ) and actually MAKE your financial situation worse. The less obvious is the “anniversaries”, you may be so happy as to celebrate it like it was an incredible event every month but a real anniversary is annual (get it ? Annual -> Anniversary) You could do something special or playfully remind him but I do understand his point of view … I would’ve been like “huh ?” ( and I’m a girl imagine that !) So maybe cool things down a bit ? One thing that shocks me though is his impoliteness, maybe it’s too much but it’s a gift from the heart. It is very impolite even cruel to just reject it that way. So I think you both have a lot of things to figure out, even a lot of “ growing up “ to do. Do it together, that’s one of the best things about relationships : Growing together.
I think given it was a big deal to you, it should be a big deal to him, as far as gifts go, i'd be doing the same as youI I think he should have graciously recieved the gift even if he didnt like it, but to me thats just common curtousy. I hope the next aniversary goes better for you.
X
I think your heart was in the right place. A lot of guys do not think of things like that. They don't put the feelings of their girl ahead of their bluntness. I've had it done to me. Take what he says with a grain of salt. And let him know how he made you feel. If he cares, he'll do better next time. IMHO.
Sitting here wondering how to put this for ages, wondering if I should just leave it!
I think it's lovely you're very much into your man and want to show it and prove it. But... there's a line between love and obsession. We've only got your side of this tale and you're coming across as too intense.
New relationship milestones are fun! every month to the big 6 monther are a good laugh, something to relish. After that it's a case of anniversary.
Anniversarys are time for presents that cost too much (if that's what you want to go for), not a few months in!
He doesn't like the phone, or switzerland, or your eating habits, or beer (if it comes in a carrier bag). He is a total ingrate, and you have sounded like a different person in your most recent shows. You seem to be defending him a lot (which is natural, considering you love him), but it's at your expense. On your last podcast with Wanda I felt like I was listening to a battered woman the way you were going on about how difficult you are to live with and how messy you are and how you have to make sacrifices, etc. Ain't nothing wrong with you, Anjelika. You deserve better. Sorry if this seems harsh, I'm not good with sugarcoating! Much love to you...
What to give and when to give are the choices of the giver.
When my now wife and I were first dating we did the whole month-iversary thing. I think it's pretty standard fare in the first year of a relationship. I have to say your BF is coming across as a real jerk. Even if you don't like a gift you don't act that way. I'd expect his behavior from a six year old, not an adult. You can do better NLG!
I agree with the person who said this:
''He doesn't like the phone, or Switzerland, or your eating habits, or beer (if it comes in a carrier bag).''
Maybe the gift wasn't the best idea but this and everything I've heard you say about him on the podcast makes him sound like a selfish, controlling dick. You can do better.
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