Bad Sex
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OK, last night's shag was like, NOT GOOD. It wasn't horrible, but it definitely was not worth my time or effort. I was 'auditioning' yet another new fuck buddy. I won't go into detail about how it all went down. I'll just point out the bad parts.
First of all, if you're over 40 and you can't eat pussy properly, don't bother flirting with me. If you've had over twenty years to get it right and you're still crap that's a problem; and I don't want it to be MY problem.
Secondly, do not smoke! Don't be a smoker. I don't care that you brushed your teeth twice and you used the strongest Listerine available. I can still taste it on you, you nasty ashtray.
Third, and I know this is a tough one for a lot of you Brits, don't have nasty gnarly teeth. If your gums have grey bits in them go see a dentist! Don't call me. In America we have this number that might help, 1-800-D-E-N-T-I-S-T.
Fourth, shave you're freakin' face. The last thing I need is rug burn.
Fifth, if it takes you more than 7 minutes to make me cum while you're eating me out, you're crap.
Sixth, don't even think about sticking your cock in me if you haven't eaten me out properly.
Seventh, I am not in the circus. I am not trying to do any sort of acrobatics in bed.
Eighth, cut your freakin' fingernails before you finger fuck me.
Ninth, give me a bit of warning before you're about to cum.
Tenth, if I leave hornier than I arrived then you've done a BAD job.
Eleventh, don't call me EVER again.
Labels: 7 minutes, bad sex, cunnilingus, fuck buddy, sex
posted by Naive London Girl at 5/12/2009 10:12:00 AM
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6 Comments:
poor girl!
you have to find someone that is not the 40yo or the 20yo.
they both left you unsatisfied.
keep auditioning.
wish you the same luck my woman had with me.
kisses.u
Have a little dignity woman; if you didn't fancy him, why let him near you? It's not about the numbers.
Wow! Auditioning a new fuck buddy? Who are these lucky men?
I completely understand why you have set these criteria, and I further see no reason why a partner should not be able to fulfill them.
However, with the benefit of over 30 years of, I believe, successfully bringing pleasure to the women in my life, thanks to some wonderful partners who have taught me all I know, I would suggest a simpler approach for men to take than checking things off a list.
My motto is simply that "women come first" in every sense. Focus on that with caring and sensitivity and all these criteria, and more, will be comfortably met - and exceeded.
To me there is nothing quite like the feeling of successfully bringing your partner to one intense experience after another, each achieved in a different way, before ultimately joining her for the biggest, and mutual, pinnacle of all.
Put your partner first and all other good things will flow from it, whether you are together occasionally or indefinitely, and whether the relationship is casual or committed.
Take care of her; give her everything she wants that you also want; and everything else will take care of itself.
I thought men were ok at giving face..until a friend of a friend slipped into bed with me one night...She was SO good at it. OMG, if men could do it that well, life would be perfect..
Love your wish list..hope you find him! LOL
Great wish list. The search for good teeth will be a problem though. This is the UK, Angelika! Dental care is unheard of. I have given up on the teeth front. I figure trying to find a guy with decent teeth is a lost cause. The rest I can get!
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